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A SAD TALE
A woman brought a very limp spaniel into the vets. As she laid her out onto the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened intently. After a moment or two, he shook his head sadly and said "I'm sorry, but he's passed away."
The distressed owner wailed disconsolately and asked "Are you sure? I mean you have not done any tests on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room
returning a few moments later with a beautiful black
The cat jumped up onto the table, sniffed the Spaniel from top to toe, shook it's head and meowed. The vet lifted it off the table and took it out of the room.
When the vet returned he looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but like I said, your spaniel is dead."
He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, produced a bill and handed it to the woman.
Still puzzled, the Spaniel's owner took the bill and exclaimed "£175! Just to tell me that my dogs dead? That's ridiculous!"
The vet shrugged and said "If you'd have taken my word for it, the bill would have only been £20,
but ...............what with the Lab report and the Cat Scan ........."
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS? READ THE EXCERTS FROM THEIR DIARIES TO FIND OUT!
EXCERPTS
FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day
number 181
8:00 am -
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
Day
number 182
8:00 am -
OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
EXCERPTS
FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY
752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY
761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they
were walking, almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In
an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite
chair...must try this on their
bed.
DAY
765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the head to show
them what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I
was...Hmmm. Not working
according to plan.
DAY
768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a
burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What
sick minds could invent such
a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between
my teeth.
DAY
771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I
was placed in solitary
throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer". More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to
my advantage.
DAY
774 - I am convinced the other captives are either stupid or
out to get me. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is
assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
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