I still remember my first exposure to China O’Brien 2. It was in the form of a trailer on the rental tape of China O’Brien that played right after the movie ended. “Hmm,” my teenage mind reflected, “it looks exactly the same as the one we just watched.” And that was that – despite my freakish and possibly legally actionable obsession with Cynthia Rothrock, I’d never actually seen the sequel until a couple of days ago. And though my intellect has been transformed over the years by intense studies of art, literature, science and Internet porn, my naive observation back in the early 90s turned out to be spot on.

The movie begins with some action business that sets up our new villain, ex-special forces operative, drug smuggler and ice-cream mogul C.Z. Baskin (Harlow Marks). Baskin has escaped from jail and is determined to take revenge on those who betrayed him: first the prosecuting attorney, then the judge (death by magic show) and finally the cop who busted him (death by stripogram – if any crime lords out there are looking to have me rubbed out, I’d like to go in this manner please). The last person on Baskin’s shit list is the old gang member who turned state’s evidence against him, Frank Atkins (Frank Magner). Frank now lives with his wife Annie (Tricia Quai) and daughter Jill (Tiffany Soter) in scenic Farwest County. Yup, Frank and the gang are under the protection of Sheriff Lori ‘China’ O'Brien (Cynthia Rothrock) and her karate-kickin’ deputies Matt Conroy (Richard Norton) and Dakota (Keith Cooke).

Things have been pretty good in town since the end of the first movie, and during the idyllic 4^th of July celebrations China is even presented with a plaque for being so super-awesome. There isn’t too much to do in the way of crime fighting these days, except for occasionally having to arrest comedy man-mountain redneck halfwit Chester (J.R. Clover) when he gets drunk and breaks stuff.

That night at he 4^th of July cookout, Baskin’s goons show up to kidnap Frank. Well, you don’t bust up social occasions in this town without getting a severe beating, as you’ll know if you saw the first movie. Especially since this scene mirrors the original’s election rally rumble almost exactly.

Dakota, the brooding loner Native American has lightened up a bit. He’s taken to defending helpless girls from thugs in the park and even has a girlfriend. Unfortunately his best girl is Jill, and her dad Frank’s none too happy about his little princess hanging around an orphaned Injun deputy biker with only one hand. But Dakota still takes the opportunity to give Jill a ride (on his BIKE, jeez) now and again. On this occasion he’s taking her home from school – hey, how old is he meant to be, anyway? Maybe her Dad is on to something. Anyway, what with her Dad being out Dakota comes in for coffee, only to find that Baskin’s gang is hiding inside. Dakota puts up a struggle but is eventually knocked out.

Now it all comes out; when Frank betrayed Baskin he secretly kept $5 million of the villain’s dough (cookie dough? Sorry) for himself. Baskin is understandably put out and wants the money back. He intends to exchange the money for his hostages, the trade to take place at their hideout: an industrial facility that looks remarkably like the logging plant from part 1. Before that though, Dakota is forced to fight one of Baskin’s men with his arms tied behind his back, but still wins thanks to his amazing kicking abilities – before the rest of the goons pile in on him, the big bullies. Boo, hiss!

Frank goes along with Baskin’s demands, but it’s a ruse to allow China and Matt into the camp to free the prisoners and lay down some of Rothrock & Norton's Fine Old-Time whupass. Oddly enough, this looks remarkably like the fight at the logging plant from part 1. Then there’s the small matter of the bazookas that Baskin’s men fire at Annie and Jill’s car, which make nice little ‘poofs’ of earth in front of the vehicle that wouldn’t stop a determined badger.

Baskin is still determined to get his money, so with a little Special Forces know-how he cuts off the town’s communications. Then he sends his 31 flavours of badass killers in to mop up the population. China, Matt and Dakota must fight them off in order to save the day, but China is still determined not to use a gun. Instead she uses a hunting bow, which is still a pretty damn lethal long-range projectile weapon, but I guess she feels better, so that’s all right then. There’s much downing of the smack until only Baskin is left. He manages to kill Frank (who was, after all, a dishonest cur) but comes a cropper when Annie demonstrates that she knows how to use an M-16 in anger. Die, delicious dairy product scum! All that remains is for Annie to donate the money to the town to build a hospital wing – erm, wouldn’t the FBI want to get a hold of it, given that it was from illegal activities? Ah well, what the head doesn’t know and all that... and the saga of China O’Brien comes to an end.

There ain’t a great deal to say about China O’Brien 2 that I didn’t already write about the first movie. The acting is still wooden, the directing just as inept and the production equally cheap. I don’t know much about the making of the films, but it looks very much as if both were shot at the same time. They share the same few locations, the exact same visual ‘style’ (for want of a better word), the same hack director and mostly the same cast and crew – note how C. Z.’s gang are the exact same stunt guys who played Sommers’ goons in part 1.

One of the things an action movie sequel is supposed to do is improve on the original in terms of excitement and so forth. It appears that the filmmakers paid lip service to this idea, but didn’t try all that hard. Keith Cooke has a few opportunities to demonstrate some even more impressive kicks, but Rothrock and Norton don’t really distinguish themselves from film 1. Then there’s the final fight, with the town diner standing in for the Beaver Creek Inn. First time around our heroes tangled with a gang of brutish rednecks, but this time the bad guys are supposed to be highly trained military personnel. There’s some attempt to show this by bringing in a couple of more talented ‘ringers’ – henchmen who don’t figure in the plot but have enough fighting skill to give the heroes a bit of trouble – but they’re just wasted. There’s a guy who shows an impressive high kick who Cynthia floors with one punch, and an Asian dude with Freddy Krueger gloves who causes a little more trouble, but not much. He also dies via one of my action movie pet hates: he’s ‘stabbed’ with his own weapon and collapses slowly with a death grimace – despite the blades going maybe half a centimetre into his skin. I’ll give the makers a little credit and assume the blades were poisoned, but this always really, really pisses me off.

Then there’s this acrobatic guy who does some nifty back flips towards Rothrock, only for her to knock him through a wall with one blow! Admittedly, the wall appeared to be made of cardboard, but it rather defeats the object of having more talented fighters when they prove less formidable than some drunken doublewide dwellers. Worst of all is the black guy who faces off with Dakota. B-action fans will no doubt recognise a young Billy Blanks, and thus be anticipating an electrifying throwdown between two of the best American kickers in the business. While the resulting fight is probably the best in the film, that ain’t saying much, and it fails to generate much excitement as Blanks is given a thorough and far too rapid beating.

So China O’Brien 2 turns out to be a very damp squib indeed. It’s not the worst Rothrock film I’ve seen - that honour still lies with Lady Dragon, bearing in mind I still haven’t seen the likes of Angel Of Fury or 24 Hours To Midnight – but it’s only mildly better than the likes of Honour and Glory or Undefeatable. I probably should have stuck with just having seen the trailer...

Dave Thomas, 10^th February 2004