Home Healing Process
Healing Process
Although most of these stages are necessary for every survivor, a few of them – the emergency stage, (remembering the abuse, confronting your family and forgiveness) are not applicable for every woman.
The Decision to Heal
Once you recognise the effects of sexual abuse in your life, you need to make an active commitment to heal. Deep healing only happens when you choose it and are willing to change yourself.
The Emergency Stage
Beginning to deal with memories and suppressed feelings can throw your life into utter turmoil. Remember, this is only a stage and it won't last forever.
Remembering
Many survivors suppress all memories of what happened to them as children. Those who do not forget the actual incidents often forget how it felt at the time. Remembering is the process of getting back both memory and feeling.
Believing it Happened
Survivors often doubt their own perceptions. Coming to believe that the abuse really happened and that it really hurt you is a vital part of the healing process.
Breaking the Silence
Most adult survivors kept the abuse a secret in childhood. Telling another human being about what happened to you is a powerful healing force that can dispel the shame of being a victim.
Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault
Children usually believe the abuse is somehow their fault. Adult survivors must place the blame where it belongs – directly on the shoulders of the abusers.
Making Contact With the Child Within
Many survivors have lost touch with their own vulnerability. Getting in touch with the child within can help you feel compassion for yourself, more anger at your abuser and greater intimacy with others.
Trusting Yourself
The best guide for healing is your own inner voice. Learning to trust your own perceptions, feelings and intuition forms a new basis for action in the world.
Grieving and Mourning
As children being abused, and later as adults struggling to survive, most survivors haven't felt their losses. Grieving is a way to honour you pain, let go and move into the present.
Anger
The Backbone of Healing Anger is a powerful and liberating force. Whether you need to get in touch with it or have always had plenty to spare – directing your rage squarely at your abuser and at those who didn't protect you is pivotal to healing.
Disclosures and Confrontations
Directly confronting your abuser and/or your family is not for every survivor, but it can be a dramatic, cleansing tool.
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness of the abuser is not an essential part of the healing progress, although it tends to be the most recommended. The only essential forgiveness is for yourself.
Spirituality
Having a sense of power greater than yourself can be a real asset in the healing process. Spirituality is a uniquely personal experience. You might find it through traditional religion, meditation, nature or your support group.
Resolution and Moving On
As you move through the stages again and again, you will reach a point of integration. Your feelings and perspectives will stabilize. You will come to terms with your abuser and other family members. While you won't erase history, you will make deep and lasting changes to your life. Having gained awareness, compassion and power through healing, you will have the opportunity to work toward a better world.
