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Downs Downs Deeper and Downs


By Ozzie Osbourne


Earlier today i had to go to get my lad from school as he had a dentist appointment.Took him the dentist then we called in Greenhalghs for a couple of flakey vanilas (for me not the lad,he wasn`t allowed to eat because i didn`t want him to mark his freshly polished teeth).We came out of Greenhalghs & went into the bookies to put a few quid on the horse & let me lad have ten bob on the dogs.Then we went into Tesco so as i could put my Euro Millions Lottery tickets on.As i was putting my lottery on at the next till was a couple of mongos / downs with their carer.They were telling the woman on the till how "London Bronchos will lick Salford Reds tonight" whilst covering the poor young girl in slobber."Thank fuck he didn`t go into detail on how he`d probably lick his mongo girlfriend tonight the fucking basket case" i thought.Then he came over & shook my hand & said "Are you going the rugby tonight?".I was like "No pal,i`m washing my hair".Then his mate came over & shook my hand & said "We are going,it will be a good game".I just smiled.However my lad didn`t seem too keen on them.He looked a bit nervous & hid behind my leg (my lad not the mong).

I`m not having a go at the window lickers here,they are friendly enough & always cheerful.I was just wondering why they always have to shake hands with me in shops when in all honesty they`d much prefer to be packing bags in ADSA.Oh & i must point out that i was rather disapointed as to their dress sense.No cagoule or balaclava in sight nor did they wear slip on shoes.However their carer did make up for that with a shopping bill for 12quids worth of sherbert fountains & king sized twix.They were as happy as a dog with a bellyfull of piss in front of a row of trees.

I remember my mate Tony the postman.He used to deliver to The Pines Home down by Heinz.One of the girls fancied him (she was mongo).She used to sit there blushing when he walked in with the mail.One Christmas she made him a card & went up to give it to him.Then she jumped at him & stuck her lips on him.She grabbed him in a bear hug & wouldn`t let go.She was stuck to him like shit to a blanket.About 5 of the carers had to drag her off him (not sure if they beat her in a Mary Chpperfield style).He said he was shitting his beans.There was also a mongo girl who lived on Norley when we were kids & she had a glass eye.She used to take it out & let the lads stick their bell ends in the hole.Fucking weird feeling








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