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Mercury Prize

By Phil Thornton


Yes hepcats, it’s that time o’year again, the time o’year when every two bob music hack n’ trendy broadsheet pop theorist gets all wet under the collar and hot under the knickers at the thought of the country’s most meangingless music prize being awarded to yet another mediocrity. So, hold the front page and get ready for another futile round of corporate backslappin’ and luvvy self-congratulation as 2009’s nominations are announced.


So, who’s due to follow Ankle’s success with ‘The Much Patronised Middle Aged Northern Bores?’




Nominations for the Mercury prize 2009 (with odds from bookmaker Swine Power)

Floela and the Benjamins – Twats  5/1 : quirky sub-Kate Bush wittering from this year’s Stevie Nicks wannabe.

Krustacian  –  East Riding Whorehouse Nutjob Flake 5/1 : indie-rock-dance bombast masquerading as neo-psychedelic noodle-pop for 15 year old singalongamax types.

Spuds For Dinner – Two Spuds 6/1 : More quirky sub-Stevie Nicks warbling from last year’s Kate Bush wannabe.

La Hype – La Hype 6/1 : quirky retro-synth-pop spluttering from this year’s Alf wannabe..  

Glasvegas – Glasvegas 6/1 : indie-rock-rock bombast masquerading as neo-social realism agit-prop for 45 year old Clash nostalgics.

Speech Bubble  – Speech Bubble  8/1 : this year’s token ‘black person’ nomination no-one’s ever heard of except perhaps readers of Wire’s grime reviews column.

Fleety Foxes – Friendly Fleets  8/11 : quirky indie-dance-dance geek posturing from this year’s Hot Chip wannabes.  

The Terrors  – Shades Of Grey 8/1 : indie-goth-dance-rock karaoke masquerading as goth-dance-pop-punk-karaoke.

Laura Brannigan – Irish Stew 8/1 : : this year’s token Jools friendly female singer-songwriter from the charming backwater nation of Ireland   

The Unsuitable – The Unsuitable 10/1 : this year’s token no fucking chance of winning but makes us look hip to the beat daddio choice.

Sweet Fanny Adams – Twice Fried Chips :10/1 – this year’s token alt-folk-pop-indie-quirk-step choice could be next year’s Jonah & The Whales if they’re unlucky. 

Bed Lib – Orthodox Footwear 10/1 : just fuck off!


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