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Old School or New School - you decide

by Vaughanie Caddy and Ozzie

 

OLD SCHOOL


Spending weeks building Bommies and hauling railway sleepers up bankings resulting in bommies everywhere
Bangers that were more snap crackle and pop than bang
Listening to tales about putting bangers up cats' arses from the older lads
Deciding whether to buy a pack of bangers, 5 loose cigs or chips and gravy with the bit of money you had in your pocket
Your dad buying a sort of selection box of fireworks
Sparklers. Fucking sparklers how bad were they
Catherine Wheels. Usually the only thing that worked properly
The bommy containing everything but a 3-seater settee (velour) would ALWAYS be reserved and placed approximately 3ft from the outer embers. Upon this "bigger boys" would sit, the soles of their 10 hole Doc Martens blistering in the heat, whilst they poke the fire with a variety of sticks.

Putting rockets in milk bottles. And them NEVER going off
Home made treacle toffee. Somebody's mum always made them
Putting spuds on the fire and them NEVER EVER being edible
Making Shezanns in the back of class
Guys that looked like Guys: Behind Norley Shops we had a Guy that was kitted out in a pair of Tacchini traccie bottoms and a Barbour waxed jacket & flat cap placed on top of a "Casey" football (Imagine Fred Dibnah going to the gym). To top this all of we had cut a hole in the Guy's private regions and placed a red doll's leg with pink foot through the hole. There you have it, a Guy Fawkes with a lazy lob on. Beat that! 
Meanwhile the Centre Pole of the bommy had to be as large as possible and in our case held up with over 12 "Traccie Tyres" that were robbed from Bandag & Pem Tyres. Traccie tyres were there just to bellow plumes of thick black smoke towards the Worsley Hall mongannies. We'd laugh at how they would be saying to each other "Look at the smoke coming from Norley's. I knew we should have offered them a few doors for one of their traccies"

Fireworks - Fuck off !!! Aerosol cans were as good as anything. From fly sprays through to paint. The small camping stove ones sounded like fucking bombs. Spent the last 2 months before Bommy Neet saving these up. After the aerosols had been used up we'd move on to "Asbestos". This was my particular favourite "Asbesie". Flat asbesie was always more effective than the corrougated stuff. But the ultimate in fireworks was without doubt "Railway Detonators". For fuck sake, do any kids rob Springs Branch anymore eh? The sound of a housebrick being dropped on a detonator is a sound to behold. I remember Tez "Cat Flap Stalker" Edwards getting blagged into hitting a detonator with a lump hammer only for someone to stop him at the last minute because in their words "It'll blow his fucking arm off"

Being genuinely scared by the TV adverts warning you away
Putting bangers through people's letter boxes
Firemen having their sleep interrupted at night
The covert operation of "raiding", I'm sure Montgomery or Napoleon got their tactics from raiding as a kid, but don't get caught, many a beating was given out by the Worsely/Norley/Marsh Bonk gangs for being caught behind enemy lines. Also, you had to have one mon on guard at neet for invaders, many a time whilst surveying the opposition's attempts the cry would go up, "Sherwood's here, Sherwood's here"!!!!!! and like an army of banshee's you'd leg it back to the bommy and defend it with your life.
The day after. You always knew a good bommy by the day after. Was it still "in"? On the way to school you'd go and check, if it was still smoldering an immense feeling of pride was achieved.

NEW SCHOOL


Bangers that sound like a night on the Gaza Strip, or Salford
The fucking things going off alll through the night
Cats being scared to go out the house for 3 months either side of Nov 5th
Organised do's - Bollocks, they cost money to get in and you didn't get the same feeling watching the fucker burn as you did your own creation, plus they never played "jump the bommy" when it was dying down.

Rockets that not only go halfway to Mars but also bang light up and do things to your eyes that only small tablets that cost 20 used to do to you
Never seeing Bommy's being made anymore
Guys that consist of something looking half like a doll with one of the scrote's Henri Lloyd jumper on it
And try giving the little bastards a penny!
Fireworks going off from September to February
Shops opening to just sell fireworks alone. Nice work if you can get it
And everybody knowing somebody that can get you some really good "industrial fireworks"
Kids not giving a shite about the adverts on TV warning you away. "they're crap you don't see anybody on fire
Firemen having their sleep interrupted at night

 

 
   
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