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World of Sport That's Gone Wrong
by Degsy Melia
Remember Granstand, World of Sport, Midweek Sports Special and the rest of televised sport before Sky got hold of it and turned it into what it is today ? Well some of you may enjoy and even dance a jig at Skys coverage but some of you like me may want to hurl the nearest object at the screen in utter pain when somebody like Richard Keys trys to come across like he's known the game inside out for years and rubs his hairy fuckin mits in glee at the prospect of another Liverpool defeat. Off camera i'm sure you can hear him say ' i'm sorry but i've just come ' Fast Show style as Chelsea or Man U put away someone like Exeter in the cup. Lets look at the adverts for starters, Mam, Dad and the kids at home with their shirts on and even the budgie jumping for glee at the game of soccer in HD and surround sound.
Mam likes player cam as she can watch Gary Speed puffing and panting for 15 mins away to Bury in the Worthington Cup while the kids stamp their feet for Dad to buy them Garys boots but to no avail as the Sky package is costing him a fortune. Its brought women into the sporting arena and worse still they have opinions, ' well i think he should start with one up front just like Andy Gray said ' fuck off will ya ! Its all wrong, the only time women ever had input in sport was ringside at some shitty town hall in Yorkshire as Cyanide Sid was about to get sat on by Giant Haystacks. Don't get me wrong i can sit for ages looking at Clare Tomlinson but not talking about Englands chances in the cricket World Cup but rubbing her pigeons chest with her fist on Bangababes at 2am. You see Frank Bough and Dickie Davies were there for the pay check and said it like it was, ' now its Widnes v Hull KR followed by racing from Newbury but you can't see fuck all cos of the fog, enjoy ! ' Take it or leave it don't try and tart it up into someting its not, its just a game of football simple as that, leave it alone will ya, oh and can we have our saturday 3pm kick offs back mister ?
At the time of writing this the Cheltenham Festival is about to start, could you imagine if Sky had it ? they'd want the horses tarted up like shirehorses or even my Little Pony and cameras would hang in the stables as they are given a last minute pep talk and polo by the trainer followed by a shit King Kong would be proud off. I have long got rid of Sky Sports due to the grief it caused in our house from the Mrs yelling at me as i stood there in me boxers offering Lovejoy, Gray, Keys and the rest of the gang sorry Sky Sports Team out and don't get me started on Boots N All ! Eddie and Stevo talking Rugby League for two hours pre match trying to make us believe that we are about to watch the Superbowl from Giants Stadium when infact its Salford at home to Wakefield and the terraced houses outside tower over the friggin stands.
So think on folks and remember what sport used to be like, a secret world for men and boys to support your home town team, fight, bet and get pissed all on a saturday and every saturday and the only woman you layed eyes on was the one pulling your pint.
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