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The Drugs Don't Work

by Bernie Bostik



I know it's been done to death here at Swine. But fuck it, It's got to be better than all that Mills & Boon shit I peddled out last month. So I thought I would get back to brass tacks and do a piece on drugs. And if I am going to do a piece on drugs, I have to mention Legends the club. Drugs and Legends went hand in hand with me, you see, It was were I had my first experiences of speed & E's. It is because of this that it holds a special place in my heart. I would love to go to one of the many successful re-union nights they put on. But I know deep down it just wouldn't feel the same and it would somehow dilute my memories of the place. Memories of a 17, 18, 19 year old lad discovering there's more to life than YTS schemes and getting glassed in town. Legends was the light at the end of the week a special place were you went to listen to decent music while off your  tits.  But we can all warble on about  the good old days and great nights you had, jigging along to some choice choons, aided by some top tablets. I want to focus on the bad experiences....yer know those nights when the drugs didn't work.


Here's mine...


Me & Huky had been saving up all week. We went to our reliable source who sorted us out some goodies in exchange for some pounds. Fuck me! they were big, about the size of a ten pence piece. 'Boss brown disco biscuits, them mate' our reliable source reliably told us. They were big white fuckers with brown speckles all over and they came across abit amateurish . With the booty in the bag we were off back to the local happy as Larry.


After the local, I think back then we used to go to the Barley Mow (could of been the Postern Gate) for a couple before Legends. Me & Huks always use to have a drink, didn't matter what drugs we were on, It was always get drunk, take drugs. Even when some of the lads stopped drinking lager and ventured down the Adamski lucozade route, me and Huky would never crack. To go out on a Saturday night and not have a bevy seemed alien to us. Because we were skint YTS mercenaries our favourite trick was to order a pint of coke and replenish it with vodka bought from the offy earlier. So we were always in a happy mood when we made our way to Legends. We consumed our consumables, but because of the size, mine got stuck in the throat, which was washed down with the last dregs of Smirnoff. We entered Legends (this was pre-queue around the block days) and hung around the toilet area.


You know when you enter a gaff,  you hear the music blaring and see people off their nuts. You know it won't be long before your tablet kicks in and you are one of the loonies getting crazy on the dance floor. Well not tonight Josephine!, I was fucking gutted.

"can you feel anything yet" me and Huky questioned eachother every 30 seconds.


I went for a mooch on the edge of the dance floor to try and induce some MDMA movements, but nothing. We did get some speedy type feelings abit later that made us pace around the dancefloor envious at everyone else's enjoyment. It was comical to say the least, I walked clockwise around the dancefloor and Huky was walking anti-clockwise and everytime we passed eachother no words were spoken, just a grimace and a shake of the head. Later my legs were like lead and I had to sit down also my stomach wasn't to good and I got the feeling I was going to spew. I made it to the cubicle in the bogs before I spewed. Some helpful raver filled a glass with water for me and I swilled my gob. The rest of the night was spent sat down with my head between my legs, while Huky was fast asleep next to me snoring his head off.


Oh well, I suppose the horse tablets did give us a bit of a buzz, even better were the Bob Martin's we had in the Quad a few weeks later, got rid of me worms and ended up with shiny hair that night.







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