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Notes from a trainee journalist
by Mike Cotgreave


"Warning: Bollards in motion" said the voice in the pavement; the old man (Smurf-like in appearance and stature, but not skin pigmentation) played his accordion and a dirty rain began to fall.


On Thursday the class hit the town to celebrate making it through our first shorthand exam.

 Woke the next day with the über-minty taste of 'Christine Keeler' cocktail in my mouth and the smell of burnt plastic in my nostrils.

 A good nite no less.

Also got my first photo by-line in the newspaper, accompanying my article re: youth perceptions of party politics.

 English local press is still a proto-Establishment instrument, a fundamental conduit of the absurd tapestries of civil society. As long as they keep printing my copy, however, I shall remain in its mediocre thrall.




TIME magazine send a letter saying I owe them £34.99.


"Payment must be received by 6/11/2006 to avoid having your account forwarded to a third party for collection. Pay the Total Amount Due and your account will be marked "PAID IN FULL." THIS IS THE LAST INVOICE YOU WILL RECEIVE FROM TIME WARNER PUBLISHING, B.V."


Third party? Who the fuck do these narks think they are? I didn't want their shitty magazine anyway. This is a declaration of war.




Cosmologist Carl Sagan wrote:


'We live on a hunk of rock and metal that circles a humdrum star that is one of 400 billion other stars that make up the Milky Way Galaxy which is one of billions of other galaxies which make up a universe which may be one of a very large number, perhaps an infinite number, of other universes. That is a perspective on human life and our culture that is well worth pondering.'


If everyone grasped this essential truth perhaps the world would be a little less weird and violent.


As the Dalai Lama writes in Daily Advice From The Heart:


'The wonderful human brain is the source of our strength and the source of our future, providing we utilise it in the right direction.'


Quite right, Mr Lama.

Indeed, the cosmic bollards are in motion...


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