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Nuclear Fission 

by Phil Thornton


So the world is suffering from global warming - it's now official. Now I don't know about you but if the price we have to pay for a few decent summers is the total annihilation of the planet then I'm all for it. We won't be around when the icebergs are floating down the Mersey anyway will we? Our grandkids can sort it out for themselves, the obese little wasters. Hopefully by then we will have harnessed the genius that is nuclear power and they can fuck off to Alpha Centuri or somewhere - and don't tell me that alpha centauri is a star so they'd all burn because they'll have special goggles like welders wear to stop the heat frying em, so there. 


Nuclear Power? Jah danke! I wish these stone age hunter gatherer hippie whoppers would stop bleating about little baldy kids in Sellafield and five eyed fishes in Springfield. Monty Burns had it spot on dumping those barrels in the old oak tree. As Steve M asked us all those years ago? Whatcha gonna do about it? Nuclear waste is a bad thing, that's true but nuclear power itself, it's the future. The ultimate triumph of human intelligence over the physcial laws that constrain us. 5,4,3,2,1 Blast Off - set the controls for the heart of the sun. It doesn't take a fucking genius to tell us the world's fucked but all this hypocritical bleating about rogue states like North Korea detonating A bombs In Wah-dour Street and China and India fucking up our future if they don't control their CO2 emissions....you fucking what? What these cunts like Blair and Bush really mean is our empire is dead, you're not listening to us and you're not scared of us anymore, let's crack on that we can blame our fuck ups on you lot, the gooks, the chinks, the greedy wogs, because we've had our centuries in the sun and we see the future's yellow or atleast brownish or maybe strawberry blonde and so it's your fault if the ice caps melt and everything shrivvles up and dies. 


Me, I'm a Stalinist. I don't go in for all this phoney ecology agenda or treating nations and cultures as equals. I don't want to persuade you that my argument and my reasoning is superior to yours, I don't want to engage in open and reasonable debate, I want to stick all dissenters in a fucking big gulag and have done with it..... if they're lucky. Maybe kill a few million for a bit of a grin before breakfast. Because say what you like about Saddam, he was a despicable, genocidal tyrant but he wasn't fucking daft. This is the tricky bit of imperialism that the yanks just don't get. Now that they can't softsoap the world with Hollywood and Dinky Bars, they have to rely on military strategy and they aint too hot at that. 


The Romans and The British, they knew how to divide and rule, bribe and coerce. The yanks, they say they defeated communism and then they act all innocent when it goes off in Yugoslavia. Tito; he knew how to keep a lid on it. Then they play the same card in Iraq and wonder why the Ba'athists and the Kurds and the Shi'ites and the Sunnis are all at eachother's throats. Saddam; he knew how to keep a lid on it. These cunts, these neo-cons or whatever they wanna dress up their Ivy league money obsession as, don't have to get their hands dirty, they can look at their computer models and play their juvenile war games at their country clubs and someone else picks up the tab; those dumb puppets of the rich known as the military. Keepin' democracy warm for us, gee thanks lads, I can sleep easy knowing your out there protecting our way of life but really, you should've asked first because you really wouldn't want to die to protect MY way of life lad.


Let's not pretend like Channel 4 insist, that people would die to preserve free speech in this country and that this is what the islamists can't understand. Name em, these people who would die to protect free speech, let's see em, this invisible battalion of the self-righteous. These are presumably the men and women we are supposed to commemorate with our red poppies, these sacrificial lambs of freedom, as if they all died to defend freedom against tyranny; it's a comfortable myth that's difficult to swallow fifty years on. We went to war to save the Jews and the Poles and because old Adolf was a bit of a rotter. Yeah, that'll do. here's ten bob mate and don't spend it all on hospitals for squaddies. 


But let's all pretend, it's US against THEM all over again. Let's have one set of rules for US and one for THEM, let's condemn North Korea as a threat to world peace for having the temerity to use the same weapons we've stockpiled for 30 years and let's lecture the Indians and the Chinese on carbon emissions after spewing shite into the atmosphere for 2 centuries and tell em they can't get rich now cos it'll destabilise the atmosphere and er, oh aye the global markets that are always rigged in the West's favour anyway. Free market, yeah that's another one to tell the grandkids. Capitalism isn't a science and it sure aint a philosophy, it's a smokescreen for greed and if we wanna get all Darwinian then there could be an argument for saying that this is the underpinning impulse of all biological lifeforms; to create the conditions for their own survival, but then you throw in humanist concepts such as altruism but then is altruism just another survival mechanism dressed up as philanthropy. 


I dunno, I'm just about to buy a big fuck off Land Rover with its own chimney and a big Free Enterprise Works sticker on the back and a pack of beagles following it with dead fox blood smeared all over my kids faces and a signed poster of Genghis Khan in flashing neon lights that uses shit loads of lecky that I'm robbing from a lampost just to piss everyone off. Fuck em, and fuck those bone idle bastards who never got their hampers too. Merry fucking Christmas.











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