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Sock It To Me

by David Kenny

 

It was in the final episode of Cheers that the secret to life was discovered, and that secret was Comfortable Shoes. And I have always been a firm believer that when it comes to your choice of footwear, the highest level of discretion should be used. For example, if you’re going to buy trainers, buy trainers from people whose business it is to make trainers . Don’t be fooled into getting some dodgy numbers from some Italian fashion house who don’t have a Scooby Doo how to make decent trainers. Stick to the masters is my advice. Adidas, Puma, New Balance, Nike (admittedly only Air Max’s and pre 95 styles) You know where you are with these and what they are made for. The same goes for trainers. Whether playing pool in the pub, standing on the terraces or sprinting from the law, always make sure you have the right tools for the job! I mean you wouldn’t trek up Snowdonia in a pair of Jesus sandles would you??

 

But it doesn’t stop there. There’s no point in getting some top of the range Jimmies if you haven’t even got your foot covered in style to begin. If you ever saw anybody walking about with no socks on (apart from on a sunny day and with shorts), it wouldn’t matter what type of trainers they were wearing they’d still look like a paraffin lamp.

And you just cant slap on any old white sports socks either. They will just end up marking you out as the Buckfast slurping reprobate you probably are.

 

Nope, the true mark of the sartorial gent is not attention to detail, setting trends and blazing trails. It's in his choice of socks, or as the Germans call it Der FussGlove!

The humble sock has a history which spreads back as far as Ancient Greece and the word sock comes from the latin Soccus.

 

As I noted earlier, you cant just slap on any old socks and expect to get away with it and you cant go Sans socks just to try and avoid this particular conundrum. When it comes to socks, its like the American Civil war, everyman has to stand up and decide which side hes on..

Nowadays there is a large market for socks as every Fashion Label on earth tries to get in on the Great Sock Swindle. Charging a fortune for a pair of socks with some dodgy logo stitched on. There even as lucrative. But just as you wouldn’t wear a jumper just because of its giant gaudy sign of some nerks name, the same is true for your socks. Anything too obvious has you marked down as a pretender whilst if you go too subtle you run the risk of your sock preference going undetected.

 

There are many factors that must be considered when choosing socks. For instance the usual factors of clothes shopping; colour, size, make etc. But also other things such as frequency of use, thickness, what you plan to wear with them. All of these must be carefully mulled over before a choice is made. Go out and buy a job lot of thin socks for everyday use and before long you’ve got a pile of socks minus the big toe. Buy ones that are too thick and wearing your favourite trainers could turn into some sort of bizarre masochistic orgy. Buy the wrong make and face humiliation from family friends and co-workers.

 

 

My favourite socks

 

Pringle  

Even though the knitwear has gone all tight and boy band the socks are still top drawer. Simple, black and thick they are ideal for everyday use. Even the logo is a plain white lettering. Classic!

 

Corgi  

Socks fit for a king! Literally. They were awarded a Royal Warrant in 1989 by Charlie. No, not the gibbering cat but the Prince of Wales. And if they are good enough for our King in waitings feet, then they are good enough for mine.

 

Farah  

For when I’m feeling a little bit cheeky and want to add an extra spring in my step I’ll slip on the Farahs. With the Iconic F logo, to anybody who has a clue, you’ll stand out as the man in the know. If you wear Farah socks too, feel good about yourself for a minute. You deserve it!

 

Burlingtons

The daddy of socks. The Guv’nor of socks. The King of Socks. Although not actually being Scottish but being invented by our cousins in Germany these socks are truly what somebody may describe as “The Dogs Bollocks” And I imagine if a dog with rather large testicles wanted to wear socks, then he would wear Burlingtons. With its unique pastel palette, distinctive Argylle patern and the legendary Burlingtons clip, these socks cannot, in my humble opinion, be beaten!

 

 

 

 

 
   
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