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Swine Takes Centre Stage at Capital of Culture Celebrations

By John Connolly

Well, sort of! I got down to St. Georges Hall with time to spare, good job too Lime Street was already chocka with revellers. The stage already looked impressive, St Georges decked out with two massive screens and weird lighting. The Doors first album played all the way through the wait, followed by the first few tracks from Goldfrapp’s Black Cherry. The lights then dimmed and a super trooper picked out some grizzled fella on Wellingtons Column shouting the odds before hammering out some serious strat abuse weird industrial type guitar solo. He was joined by another axe man, this time on the top of St Johns Beacon. Then, a freighter that had been floating around had a guitar player! Next minute, an army of guitar heroes appeared on the roof of the Empire and St Georges itself, accompanied by strange percussionist. Fireworks lit up the sky then the worlds most famous bongo beating Liverpudlian chipped in with a rendition of his (or more likely Paul’s) drum solo from the end of ‘Carry That Weight’.

Sounds daft but it was great entertainment. The freight eventually ‘landed’ on the steps of St Georges Hall. The doors opened and dry-ice billowed from the container. The grizzled compare then introduced the stars of Liverpool, not one by one like. Stars from the past and present fought their way through the dry ice, the scenes beamed onto the many gigantic screens dotted around the city centre. I was chuffed to see Swines very own Peter Hooton (what?) was one of the first to have his mug projected 800 foot wide across the big screens, closely followed by that fella who played Sinbad, who hasn't written for us, unless he's the real Bernie Bostik and Will Sergeant (minus candelabra).

We were then entertained by LIPA graduates ‘The Wombats’ miming their new single ‘Moving to New York’. Why they didn’t play live I’ve no idea, as if to highlight the mockery, their drummer dressed up as Bungle from Rainbow….unless their drummer is Bungle, who knows? The show continued with more ‘Performing Arts’ type, fellas abseiling across images on the side of St Georges. It looked great. A choir then belted out some chorus or other as local kids brought candles out.

Then the 3rd Earl of Admiral Street ended the night with his cringe worthy down memory lane sing-a-long ‘Liverpool 8’. I thought he was miming but seeing it on the telly, the band looked like they were playing live. Now, Ringo’s come in for a lot of stick because he hasn’t devoted his undying love for the city he grew up in. Many saying he’s used the C.O.C. to promote his own interests. Well, so fucking what! Liverpool’s been milking his and the three fabs for all it’s worth so good luck to him, the big nosed, talentless* miserable twat.

*apart from playing Zappa in 200 Motels natch

p.s. I didn’t get to attend the opening of the King Dock Arena but I watched it on the telly and it looked ace. Dave Hewitson (where d’ya get yer trainees) called me to say they used photo’s of his for the back drop of the concert and one of them was a picture I sent him, stitch that!




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