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Swine Fashion Tips 2008

By Phil Thornton


Magician Chic  

With the success of films such as The Prestige, American magicians, Penn & Teller have teamed up with Clark & Teller to produce a range of Harris tweed capes and Goretex top hats which come complete with a rabbit and a set of hankies that go on and on for ever. Inspired by this latest youth craze, Paul Daniels has teamed up with Paul Smith for a unique PD for PS line.


Kim Ryder for Umbro  

Fresh from her success as Best Newcomer From A Failed Manufactured Pop Band category at the British soap awards, Wigan lass Kim Ryder has teamed up with shite sports brand Umbro to bring the label a new image that will appeal to jumped-up barmaids and C-List media whores who drop their accents to get on Loose Women alike.


The New New Romantics 

Taking inspiration from Visage and early Spandau Ballet, the New New Romantics wear kilts over kilts and lipstick over foundation in a literally pale imitation of Steve Strange and his pals. With the proto-electronic sound now de rigeur in many clubs dancing like the birds from the Human League in poorly applied blusher has never been more NOW!


Future-Retro Kool 

The Future-Retroist Movement began in The Nook pub in Liverpool’s Chinatown one afternoon when painter and decorator/media consultant, Billy Jockey-Jacket spilled a tin of luminous silver gloss all over his battered Australian Tennis tracky. As he walked to his van, three students spotted him and inspired by this fusion of classicism and sci-fi, went home and painted their Adidas Mug jackets vivid shades of orange and gold. The Future-Retro’ists were born and now they sit in the Nook reading old copies of The End but not getting it.


City Gents n’ Farmer’s Wives 

For her; a bespoke two piece single breasted pin-stripe suit, elegant crombie, brogues, brolly and bowler hat. For him: a tatty cardy, frilly blouse, shitty apron, flowery skirt and wellies. She comes home from a hard day at a Communications Consultancy, he drugs the kids, makes him a traditional tea of mince, lobster and custard. Together they complete an EU compensation form for passing on putrid beef to starving Geordies and losing their entire herd of hobby-livestock.                




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