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Half Man Half Biscuit - CSI Ambleside
By Peter Grummitt
Another three years have gone by, and it's time for a new album from that great British institution Half Man Half Biscuit.And, as ever, it's impossible to 'review' in the conventional sense, as you largely know what to expect; a work of genius, orchestrated by the greatest living Englishman, Nigel Blackwell, the Lord Mayor of Birkenhead and the Lord High Executioner of everything from people yet to see "Lord of the Daaaarrrnnccce", ticker-tape welcomes for Mario Kempes, and men in high-visibility jackets who work for ShowSec or similar. So, for now, let's just let the songs speak up for themselves.1. "Equus on the buses, starring Mr ED" - Evening of Swing [has been cancelled]2. "Checkmate, Dennis Bell of Torquay . . . Good game sir, do you want another bout? But Dennis ain't replying, 'cos he's just signed out" - Bad Losers on Yahoo Chess3. "How so sir, with Tetrus? Not possible, didn't bring the Gameboy" - Took Problem Chimp to Ideal Home Show4. "It's hard when I hear all the songs to Maria, when we haven't really done with 'J' - Ode to Joyce5. "I've got the supermarket sympathy vote, I've got a ten-year old doctor's note" - Blue Badge Abuser6. "Not long now before lollipop men are called Darren" - Totnes Bickering Fair7. "Got a triple A dangling from my lanyard. Wimbledon and Womad, Ryder Cup and V" - King of Hi-Vis8. "Ever since the chattering classes invaded Hebden Bridge" - Lord Hereford's Knob9. "He used to lark with the dreads; now he's a nark on the steds" - On the 'Roids10. "I ring up Dial-A-Pizza and say that's not how I would spell Hawaiian" - Petty Sessions11. "I'll tell you stuff for nothing, I'll tell you stuff for free. Shawshank Redemption, five quid, HMV - Little in the way of Sunshine12. "Take a typical Warlord; psychological nightmare" - Give us Bubblewrap13. "Disgruntled commuters were being regaled with some dismal TVM, involving a tug-of-love custody battle. Stockard Channing held sway" - National Shite DayFollow that. Up to now, it only seems to be available in Probe or by ordering Online. But get hold of it, whatever you do. Also recommended are the following imminent Probe Plus releases (ahem) :Pam Ayres - 'OrsesThelonius Drunk - Shit-Faced Half DozenRoughs with Sticks - Fuck Off Mr ChipsMao Tse-Tung and the Mike Sammes Singers - You're More Than a Number in my Little Red BookShagger MacColl - First Time Ever I Saw Your Mate
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