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Off The Wall
by Phil Thornton


Of all the freaks and finks, kiddy fiddling cranks and other-wordly asexual amoebaís in pop musicís very own rule 43 deviantís wing, Michael Jackson shares a cell with no man. That is why heís so great.

You can keep your dylans and your marleys and your lennons and all those other ten bob poet/prophets. You can certainly consign your springsteens and your bonos and your achy breaky heart thom yorkes and michael stipes to the dustbin of socially aware rock ní role modelling. Save your sermons for the congregation fellas.  

Jacko! Thatís what POP musicís all about. Good old fashioned, shallow, meaningless, dispensable, good fer nuttin popular music; that escapist dance-away-the-bad-times-boogie woogie bullshit that prevents us from peeling away the paper thin walls of western civilisation and tearing each other apart limb from limb with our bare hands. Remember, we are always only a disco record away from the ovens of Auschwitz

We need jacko to gawp and point at to stop us from gawping and pointing at ourselves. After all, he is one of us. Just as old adolf was one of us too. A human being with a head and a heart and feelings. A human being twisted by selfishness, by circumstance, by faith, by failure, by despair and disappointment into a monster. Ideology makes monsters of us all but at least der fuhrer was honest. He didnít try to dress it up as something it wasnít; a noble crusade to bring order, stability, democracy and decent Christian values to the world. Oh and while weíre at it, whereís all the fucking oil motherfuckers. Nazism did what it said on the jackboot. 

Are we honest with ourselves and our reaction to another mis-shapen man at a loss to live in a world made by and for others not like him? The average joes, the happy jacks? Two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth. Two arms to hold onto, two legs to run away from, an arse to shit with ní a dick to fuck with. Maybe that was never gonna be enough for him.

Jacko had a tough time of it as a kid but then so do millions of other kids who get slapped about by their pop and made to do things they donít wanna do. Just another unhappy kid whose childhood was stolen from him. AltogetherÖaaahhh! Maybe we should save our sympathy for those economic child slaves who are forced to work in sweatshops and factories all over the world just so they can afford a bowl of rice to keep em going till the next day, the next shift. Donít they make your soft, woolly liberal heart bleed? But these things are relative. Even emotions.  

If Jacko is a freak then he has made himself a freak and therefore we should feel nothing for him. Is that it? Letís at least try to understand the motives of the man and why he chose the path he did. How did Jackson attempt to reclaim his lost childhood and to free himself from the demands of others? By becoming the ultimate Lost Boy, the child who never grew up, isolated in his own magical kingdom, his own private, infantile pleasuredome. Peter Pan and Howard Hughes, oriental sultan and biblical hermit all in one. Despot and daddy of all he surveys, even if that realm is the warped Neverland of his own stunted  imagination. Non-stop rides on the big wheel and endless candy floss for all my  pint-size pederasty pals! What could be more fun?

And heíd have gotten away with it too if it wasnít for those meddling kids. When youíre as rich and fucked up as Jacko the normal moral and legal codes no longer apply. You can buy yourself out of anything, even if itís a bunch of bugger me blackmail bullshit. Best play it safe, buy the motherfuckers off. Shit sticks.

Jacko can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with whoever he wants. You think thatís sick? Who are the brood mare honeys giving birth to his surrogate kids? Who are the ones sending their kids over for touch and tickle sleepovers? Did he do it? Maybe! Has he been a fool, a naÔve sucker for these grasping parental pimps, the ones who hire out their kids for famous guy frollicks and fat pay-off cheques? Maybe. How far did he go? Rub ups? Lookees? All the way ass on ass action? Who can tell? A doctor perhaps. 

So what if he did anyway? How sad is that? Just another paedo with a power complex. Priests, they can get away with it for years; the church and the solid citizens of straight-laced America can overlook the odd fiddling Father. Politicians, movie stars, rock ní rollers, businessmen, gangsters, high rollers; they can get up to any amount of crackerjack degeneracy and itís all swept conveniently under the red carpet but Jacko? Come on, this cunt was ASKING FOR IT! This guy canít get a girl like other normal red blooded males. What he could do was decide he didnít really want to play that dating game crap anyway. After all he was Michael Jackson and everyone loved little Mikey didnít they? He was out there on his own. Why should he have to be male or female? Why should he have to be black or white? Why canít he re-invent himself as a different life-form altogether?

So fuck elvis and fuck led zep and fuck the pistols because this was REAL ROCK Ní ROLL. How tame does Diamond Dog David Bowie look now? That high-heeled, dress wearing, face flash fake freak. So heís the man who fell to earth eh? Well, hereís the brother from another fucking planet pal. Brixton Bowie was a carry on version of bisexual behaviour. He let you believe he did it with boys and girls and those inbetween. He may have even done it with aliens! Or atleast with andy warhol. Which is more or less the same thing.

Yet when push came to shove, dangerous dave played with a straight bat. He could be trusted as a solid opener who could run up a decent score and declare before tea. Good sport. Jacko doesnít understand the rules at all. The laws of cricket and of man donít apply to him. Mikeís a lesson in extremes to all those pierced nipple nine to five subversives out there; all those city break S&M swingers who like to pretend that theyíre way out there on the outer limits of human behaviour. 


Come on, jacko could out-freak marilyn manson any day of the week. You put lenses in your eyes? I have gills instead of a nose motherfucker. Of course he canít necessarily EXPLAIN  himself but does he need to? Itís all there for you to see with your very own eyes. Whatís to say? He knows what heís doing. Heís on a fuckiní mission from GOD maaan! He has this power you see, and whether you believe it or not, his power is REAL. It manifests itself every time he gets on a stage or walks through a street when all those people stop and stare and whoop and clap and scream his name.


Is that not special? Is that not a genuine gift from up high? If it isnít, I donít know what is. This power of his, this giftÖ. he wants to use. And get this, he wants to use it for good not evil. However clumsily, however preposterously it is presented, he wants to SAVE YOU. Save you from yourselves. Because he can bring together old and young, rich and poor, black and white, male and female, gay and straight. HE CAN! He does it every day. No wonder he sees himself as a prophet, a messiah even. Wouldnít you?

So this is Jackoís real crime. Forget the beastie boy stuff because thatís not the REAL reason you want to see him brought to book. You want the kid to keep on suffering because he thinks heís it. Well, he IS it! From ABC through Donít Stop Til You Get Enough to Thriller, Michael Jackson at the peak of his powers as an entertainer, was untouchable. Who else was there in his league? Madonna? Donít make me laugh. Prince? Maybe, for a few years Ė from Kiss to Alphabet Street Ė and anyway he bit from Michael and Little Richard and Rick James in the first place and his twisted sex dwarf routine always looked a little too contrived to me.

No, MJ wasnít playing at it, he was a genuine 100 per cent wacko. But so what? What has that got to do with owt? So Wagner was a proto-Nazi. Was he any less of a composer because he also hated Jews? So Picasso was a bit of a misogynist brute. Did it effect his painting? The world is full of not very nice people who produce fantastic art; you have to be a selfish, egotistical prick to produce any kind of art in the first place. Jacko is up there with Sinatra; an allrounder who floats above the sordid squabbling of mere rock ní roll.

If only heíd called it a day after the video for Thriller was shown to a worldwide audience of billions, then maybe he couldíve spent the rest of his life in relative peace. He was on top of the world that night and heíd never reach those heights again. We knew it, he didnít. No pop star, actor, athlete or politician does. They think they are invincible and can on and on. Forget LiveAid, the Thriller video was a truly global event. The wacky zombie fest was equal parts broadway musical homage and sci-fi romp and it showed us that maybe Mike could laugh at himself and had a sense of humour too. The funniest thing lenny henry ever did (and itís a very  short showreel) was his spoof of the thriller video that began with jacko walking along with his boo as a fully blown werewolf. She only starts screaming when he transforms into Ė horror of horrors -  Michael Jackson!!! 

See Mike knows how heís perceived. How can he not be. Of course heís been on the slippery slope career wise ever since those glory days of the early to mid 80s. Did the Beatles ever get more popular than in 64? Was Elvis anything but a spent force after 58? Jackoís still there 30 years on. The dance routines have become stale and predictable, the music has become tired and repetitive, the behaviour has become bizarre and worrying. But heís still there, still hanging on in because what else is there? Donít you feel sorry for the dude?

Jacko didnít leave us with the dead bodies of those less talented and less powerful than himself piled up in putrid mounds. He didnít create a suicidal ego cult around himself. He left us some of the greatest records and performances of the 20th century and in the process destroyed himself. The DA donít like it because he wants to appease the venal desires of the mob. Nonce!! Beast!! Let him answer for his crimes, if he has committed them. No problem. If he has used his position of power and influence to act out sexual fantasies with little boys then treat him as youíd treat any other paedophile but donít pretend youíre doing it for the kidsí sake pardner. Michael Jackson is not an animal, heís a human being. Get David Lynch on the phone and letís do Elephant Man Pt 2.


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