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What’s Eating JT and Stevie G?
By Todd Lidl

 
JT
 
Stephen Fry on Wagner. Yes, the nations favourite ‘intellectual’ 
explores his passion for controversial composer Richard Wagner and in 
the process attempts to salvage the music he loves from its dark 
association with Hitler's Nazi regime. Yes, Stephen Fry. You see, Fry 
fell under the composer's spell in childhood and has remained there 
ever since – something that causes him angst, as he is Jewish and 
Wagner was an anti-semite whose music was used by Hitler as a rallying 
cry for the Nazis. Guilty middleclass fuckwit, who cares if you like 
Wagner and you’re Jewish? It’s not important. The shot of him at 
Nuremburg laying on the angst with a trowel (he couldn’t stand on the 
parapet used by Hitler, it just didn’t seem right) as he drew 
comparisons from old Adolf’s layout in the infamous propaganda rallies 
to Wagner’s Die Meistersinger Opera. If Fry hadn’t tried to offer some 
apologetic defence, the documentary would have been half interesting, 
instead it made me want to reach for the pen and paper and write to 
Points of View …Dear POV, please stop making shit programmes where 
Stephen ‘Scion of the Intelligentsia’ Fry tries to save the planet or 
scrubs the nasty stain of the Third Reich from Wagner’s underpants, 
yours ANON.
 
 
Stevie G
 
That spy bint Anna Chapman. The way she’s been portrayed as some 
glamorous James Bond bint Femme Fatal when in reality she’s a half 
decent looking bird who wouldn’t even get a spit roast from Ashley and 
the other quilts. Publicist Max Clifford said Mr Chapman, who was 
married to Ms Chapman for four years, said his former wife had become 
"increasingly distant" and "increasingly secretive" as their marriage 
progressed. Sound familiar? That means my missus and 99% of the female 
populous must me KBG ‘sleepers’. 
 
 
JT  
 
Bit of football now Stevie, Alan Hansen – prick of the highest order! 
Lets face it, Germany were the most exciting side in the tournament and 
Hansen glib remarks about them being very average before they stuffed 
us was beyond a joke. Then, rather than take his bitter medicine, he 
carries on the charade before, during and bizarrely, after their 
demolition of the Argies. Luckily for Alan, they were beaten by Spain, 
but only just. Had they made it to the final, they’d have turned the 
Dutch over and Jocky would have to eat a big fat slice of bescheidene 
torte, as the probably don’t say on the Rhine.
 
 
Stevie G
 
A lighter note to here JT, all round good egg and friend of scousers 
like myself, Gary Neville has put his palatial pile of bricks on the 
market for £6m. Gary intends to build a dream Eco home, wait for 
it…underground! You couldn’t make it up could you…ho ho ho
 
 
JT
 
Tits Stevie, tits. They invade my garden mob handed to scoff the 
aphids in my apple trees. Look at the black and beady eyes – the sharp, 
lethal little beak  – the concentrated stare … the sheer malevolence in that tiny, fluffy 
face …I’m talking about the long tailed tit. Those of you who know your 
British Garden Birds will recognize this miniature psychopath. It’s the 
Jack Russell of the bird world. It has no fear.  Great tits, greenfinches, greater spotted 
woodpeckers, even Magpies and crows …if they’re on what it considers to 
be ITS insect and peanut peck-a-treat … it goes for them – a minute 
ball of pinky-beige, feathered fury trailing an improbably long tail in its demented wake.
 
Phil Thornton is away on Holiday*
*not yet but soon like

 

 

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