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A to Z of Liverpool Bands
By Ray Kingsley
A is for Alonso - five piece retro-psyche outfit from Ormskirk who wear Liverpool replica tops and call each other 'lid'
B is for Bear Cub Shooting Club - four students from the Home Counties playing mutant disco as if invented by Duncan from Blue
C is for Colin Vole Quintet - legendary folk-jazz fusionist often called the 'Nick Drake of Netherley' by no fucker.
D is for DiskoKometKollider - a kid from Aigburth with 40 grands worth of IT equipment in his bedroom and zero imagination.
E is for The El Dorados - Garston 60s janglers who make The Las sound like Laibach.
F is for Fuckindooneladbeforeiletthedogoff! - aka scouse house MC, MC Macca Mc and his pitbull/hyena cross, Terrence.
G is for Gary O'Neill - often cited as the social conscience of scouse rock n' soul, no cause is too futile for Gary to attach himself to.
H is for Hanover Street 4am - minimal dubstep and deep deep shitcore grooves from Birkenhead's very own Burial.
I is for IsRight! - five piece retro-60s janglers from Formby who wear 80s casuals t-shirt and call eachother 'kidda'
J is for Jonny Johns and The Johns - serial pop failure, Jonny Johns in yet another attempt to carve out a niche for himself by sitting in Tabac looking wistful.
K is for Kenny Kiss - three weedheads who want to sound like Mick Head on a rattle and failing!
L is for Liverpool Loves Ya - six students from Wales who play retro-punk skiffle and call eachother 'Taff'
M is for Mildred Makin - talentless but well connected sister of veteran 80s jinglejangle scenester Max Makin and girlfriend of Jonny Johns
N is for Next-stop-lad! - 10 piece retro-grunge/comedy hip hop group from Greasby who call eachother 'whack'
O is for Onion Peel Orchestra - 35 piece classical orchestra who play Billy Fury records backwards underwater.
P is for Paddy Quigley Band - electric irish country mashed up with furious scratching from DJ Bogtrotta!
Q is for Quim - lesbian five piece accapella outfit from Lark Lane
R is for Rooney Juniors - three Nogga Dogz and two Crocky Crocks named after Paul Rooney solicitors, the gangster's choice!
S is for Shalom This! - experimental avant-rock twopiece from Tuebrook with one four hour rehearsal behind them
T is for The Tiny Terrorz - retro-indie-rave four piece who make McFly sound like Sigur Ros
U is for Uncle Tommy - Bootle's top crooner and Sinatra wannabe given a radical makeover by top producer Tony Hasbeen
V is for Vincent Gallo and the Gallows - appalling neo-pyschobilly band from Southport who claim to have Vincent Gallo and The Gallows as Myface friends.
W is for The Wallasey Whit Walk Wankers - comedy punk from a band Nige from Half man half biscuit described as 'the sharpest satirical minds this side of Oxton.'
X is for X-Ray Dex - talentless yet well connected breakbeat six piece from Skem who play the
last hour at all Jonny Johns celebrated house parties
Y is for Y'wha? - Toccy's very own Tinchy Rascal - Y'Wha? can be seen behind the counter at Rapid's screw counter when he's not grime MCing in a put on Cockney accent
Z is for The Zutons - comedy retro-60s jingle jangle combo from Luton who call eachother 'chief'
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