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A to Z of Liverpool Bands

By Ray Kingsley

 

A is for Alonso - five piece retro-psyche outfit from Ormskirk who wear Liverpool replica tops and call each other 'lid'

 

B is for Bear Cub Shooting Club - four students from the Home Counties playing mutant disco as if invented by Duncan from Blue

 

C is for Colin Vole Quintet - legendary folk-jazz fusionist often called the 'Nick Drake of Netherley' by no fucker.  

 

D is for DiskoKometKollider - a kid from Aigburth with 40 grands worth of IT equipment in his bedroom and zero imagination.

 

E is for The El Dorados - Garston 60s janglers who make The Las sound like Laibach.

 

F is for Fuckindooneladbeforeiletthedogoff! - aka scouse house MC, MC Macca Mc and his pitbull/hyena cross, Terrence.

 

G is for Gary O'Neill - often cited as the social conscience of scouse rock n' soul, no cause is too futile for Gary to attach himself to.

 

H  is for Hanover Street 4am - minimal dubstep and deep deep shitcore grooves from Birkenhead's very own Burial.

 

I is for IsRight! - five piece retro-60s janglers from Formby who wear 80s casuals t-shirt and call eachother 'kidda'

 

J is for Jonny Johns and The Johns - serial pop failure, Jonny Johns in yet another attempt to carve out a niche for himself by sitting in Tabac looking wistful.

 

K is for Kenny Kiss - three weedheads who want to sound like Mick Head on a rattle and failing!

 

L is for Liverpool Loves Ya - six students from Wales who play retro-punk skiffle and call eachother 'Taff'

 

M is for Mildred Makin - talentless but well connected sister of veteran 80s jinglejangle scenester Max Makin and girlfriend of Jonny Johns 

 

N is for Next-stop-lad! - 10 piece retro-grunge/comedy hip hop group from Greasby who call eachother 'whack'

 

O is for Onion Peel Orchestra - 35 piece classical orchestra who play Billy Fury records backwards underwater.

 

P is for Paddy Quigley Band - electric irish country mashed up with furious scratching from DJ Bogtrotta!

 

Q is for Quim - lesbian five piece accapella outfit from Lark Lane

 

R is for Rooney Juniors - three Nogga Dogz and two Crocky Crocks named after Paul Rooney solicitors, the gangster's choice!

 

S is for Shalom This! - experimental avant-rock twopiece from Tuebrook with one four hour rehearsal behind them

 

T is for The Tiny Terrorz - retro-indie-rave four piece who make McFly sound like Sigur Ros

 

U is for Uncle Tommy - Bootle's top crooner and Sinatra wannabe given a radical makeover by top producer Tony Hasbeen

 

V is for Vincent Gallo and the Gallows - appalling neo-pyschobilly band from Southport who claim to have Vincent Gallo and The Gallows as Myface friends.

 

W is for The Wallasey Whit Walk Wankers - comedy punk from a band Nige from Half man half biscuit described as 'the sharpest satirical minds this side of Oxton.'

 

X is for X-Ray Dex - talentless yet well connected breakbeat six piece from Skem who play the

last hour at all Jonny Johns celebrated house parties

 

Y is for Y'wha? - Toccy's very own Tinchy Rascal - Y'Wha? can be seen behind the counter at Rapid's screw counter when he's not grime MCing in a put on Cockney accent

 

Z is for The Zutons - comedy retro-60s jingle jangle combo from Luton who call eachother 'chief'

 

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