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The Cracked Jaw/I'm Only Bleedin' Blues  

By Bobby Zimmerman

I went up West one evening,
To see what the clubs had in store,
With beak on hip and wads of cash
To tare up some dancefloor
The club was called Hombre's
And was just off Oxford Street
With an array of z-list'ers & scrubbers
All there for us to meet.

We swigged Southern Comforts & lemonade of course
At a pound a drink I did endorse
We necked them down with so much force
The people all around looked nervous

I'm dancing around to the chart hits
My mates off his face his heads in bits
He's started twitching and having fits
That's when I spot Zammo

Everything's going all right at first
Stood talking whilst quenching our thirst
The trouble started when we went for a burst
And decided to share a line

My mate barges in and wants to join
Scoops up Zammo's beak with a fifty pence coin
Doesn't produce his own hidden in his loin
That's when things turn nasty

It calms down and we shoot some pool
Ordered more beak this made Zammo cool
We wound him up and made him look a fool
You could see where this was going.

Moet got ordered and Zammo reluctantly paid
We whacked him at pool and pissed on his parade
The girl Zammo was with my mate had already laid
And me with tears on my cheeks with laughter

Potting balls later we had a game of killer
But it turned into the thriller from manilla
My mate attacked like a silver back gorilla
I stood back with cue at the ready

I didn't see it coming from afar
A bouncer ran up from the bar
Smashed me in the face and left a scar
All around me there was chaos

I got thrown out by evil twats
Who hit me round the head with baseball bats
Big biceps with tribal tats
Throttle me till I turn blue

Zammo's on the floor
Bleeding from his nose
My mates getting angry
Stamping on his toes
I'm unconscious in the street
With the cracked jaw blues

An' though the rules of the fight have been lodged
It's only flying glasses that you got to dodge
And it's all right, mate, I'm only bleeding

I lose myself, then reappear
I suddenly find I've got nothing to fear
Alone I stand with nobody near
When a meat heads distant voice, unclear
Startles my bleeding ears to hear
That somebody threatens
To kill me.

While the preacher preaches of evil fates
Knowledge tells me that revenge can wait
Foolishness would lead to a head with metal plates
And hiding behind big steel gates
But even these bouncers that I hate
Sometimes must have
To stand naked.

Murder threats, they bluff with scorn
Shooting remarks are torn
From the meat heads mouthpiece
Comes idle threats and wasted words
Proves to warn
That anyone who takes steroids
Is a dick head.

He who pumps iron will never tire
Doing reps of ten his muscles on fire
Bent out of shape from a set of steroid pliers
His neck can't  come up any higher
So he'd rather get you down in the rut
That he's in.

With his water filled muscles that con you
Into thinking he's the one
That can bench press what's never been done
That can squat with a weight of a tonne
Meantime life outside goes on
All around him

He's finished at the gym and out the door
It's his own fault he started the war
Watch him drop, hear the bang & roar
He starts to moan but unlike before
You discover
That he'll just be
One more bouncer dying.

but don't fear, if you hear a Romanian voice in your ear
cos It's all right mate, that's his replacement.


 

 


 

 

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