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Crosby, Stills and Nash (M.E.N. Arena)
By John Lee Park Hooker
After indulging in copious amounts of organic Cider and sticky green C, S & N came on the TV from Glastonbury. My other half said we'll have to go and watch these in concert. I think I answered her in Astral Esperanto. I was too busy metamorphosing into a Goldfish to contemplate a future gig confirmation.
The day of the concert arrived and we did what we always do, and promise not to do, got shitfaced the day/night before. I woke up feeling like Thor had just whacked me on the bonce with his hammer. We had a couple of doobs and floated into the taxi to the station. We felt right at home due to the fact that both sides of the platform looked like a scene from Dawn of The Dead. This was succinctly encapsulated by the teenage mutant stood next to me who took great delight in spitting onto the deck every two seconds whilst playing with his Chlamydia ridden genitals. The train rolled in looking like it used to transport dissidents to the Communist Gulags.
After getting into Manchester Victoria we had a couple of pre-gig beers and ambled up to the gaff. Once inside we were greeted by Stasiesque security goons dressed in Hi-De-Hi outfits. There were plenty of people in there who looked like their favourite song was 'Wherever I lay my White Lightning that's my skip'. We made made our way to our seats and waited for them to start. At this point I was wondering whether they were going to do a song about the plight of a lesbian Dolphin. This thought was quickly erased from my fragile mind by the gargantuan piece of garlic related chemical warfare emanating from the two Spanish sisters sat next to me.
Considering they all looked like they were ready to be embalmed a great show was put on it must be said. Most of the songs of the first two albums were played as well as a couple of cover numbers with Wooden Ships as the encore.
We departed back to the platform to wait for the ex-Gulag cattle truck to take us back to The Garden of Earthly Delights known locally as Two Dogs Fightin'.
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