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Point Me At The Sky

By Bernie Bostik

Forgive me Buddha for I have sinned, I've subscribed to the Devil's own satellite channel. I had to there was nothing I could do, I came back from my holiday hoping to sit down and enjoy the Reds versus Villa. When I switched on the telly the Liverpool game was nowhere to be seen. Now last season Canal+ had every live game on,  plus a choice of two or three games live at 3 o'clock on a Saturday (something that Sky cannot offer). It was the Saturday 3 o'clock games they swayed me in the direction of Canal+ in the first place. So after parting with 50 euro for the box and instillation and 44 euro out of my account every month I was esta feliz as a puerco in kaka. That was until I discovered that Canal have jibbed the 'Ingles Football' in place of the Romanian League this season. What the fucks happened there then? Have Canal not coughed up enough coffers I wonder? Any way I finally find the Liverpool game hiding out on TVE2 (Spanish free view), who it seems have greased the right palms to obtain coverage of the live games. I couldn't handle just one game a week on TVE so I had to retire the Canal and I have now bought myself Sky. I will miss my Canal+ and I will miss my Saturday ritual of: 12:30 game, a choice of 3 games at 3 o'clock, the evening game, then the La Liga Saturday night game and finally finishing off with late night hardcore porn. It had the History Channel, the Discovery Channel, Movie Channels, untold News Channels and all of them in English or Subtitled.

So goodbye Canal+ and hello Sky and I must say I'm as disappointed as I thought I would be. I bought the box and card from this English firm advertising in the local English rag, there's plenty of adverts offering Sky/Sky+/SkyHD so they must be earning a good few shekels from the ku. The script is you buy a box off them - ranging from 150 euro for an old box to 550 euro for one of them HD slinky black numbers - and they also sell you the card which prices range from 50 euro to 150 euro, depending on how much they want to make off you. You then give them CC details and they activate your card for you and if like me,  you already have a dish set up, all you do is plug in the box and you are away (if you don't have a dish it's an extra 300 euro for instillation). Now I'm a bit dubious when ever I give my CC details over to someone, but this company seemed a reputable one, with shops all along the coast. In the past you could just go into shops like these and hand over 700 euro and they in turn would give you a box with an activated-for-one-year card, but Sky have now stopped that. These companies that do the Sky on the coast have just turned into Sky dealerships really. They now tell you , Sky have told them,  that they need CC details of the person the box & card belongs to in order to pay the subscription charge and the shops can't carry on paying for subscriptions they way the use to, otherwise Sky would revoke there license from selling Sky. I don't know how these firms paid for their cards and subscriptions in the past but I guess it went along these type of lines. I imagine they would of been purchasing (in bulk) lot's of Sky packages to various addresses in England and then shipping them over. Sky has tapped into this chain and now sends box's and cards direct to the shop's knowing full well that these box's are being used abroad (something Sky tells you your not allowed to do I later find out). They then have the cheek to demand CC details from every person that purchases a card. So the man in the shop tells me the card should be activated in four hours, four hours later I am on the phone to the shop. It's Friday evening and the shop is shut, so I try again in the morning and find that the shop is shut all fucking weekend. Bastard, it's Liverpool Chelsea tomorrow what the fuck can I do?.... I phone Sky up to see if my card has been activated but when I make the mistake of telling the man I'm in Spain he tells me he cannot help me because it is illegal to set up Sky abroad and I should get in contact with the "dodgy man" that sold me the card???? I informed him that I know it's illegal but Sky turn a blind eye to it and could you please just check if the card has been activated. He carries on arguing with me as I slam the phone down - well I never actually slammed the phone down because these days you just press a button. Monday morning I'm on the phone complaining to the shop telling them to come and collect my Sky. Half an hour later a man turns up with another card and tells me that this one will work in a few hours. I in turn tell him if this card doesn't  work in a few hours I will personally bring the box back to the shop myself and smash it over his head, in return of my money...thank you very much.. A few hours later it's all systems go.

It's been international week, so I haven't had the pleasure of hearing Andy Grays torturous tones just yet. In-fact I  haven't been watching that much Sky, I  have been double dropping on Deadliest Catch (4pm & 8pm) daily and needless to say I've been viewing the History Channel on Tony Soprano proportions. But apart from that everything else is all repeats of things that you've seen a trillion times before and the porn is fucking woeful. Let's face it, Sky's only good for the football.



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