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Sweet and Tender Hooligan

By Joe Hawkins

You don't half get some shite spouted in those hoolie books . . . .

1. We only had it with their main mob, not like . . . . who beat up families and scarf'eads

2. They were well game for such small numbers

3. They were a tight little mob who never ran

4. So we gave them a walk-over, in fairness

5. We mobbed up with the Port Vale at Euro '88

6. Them fuckin' spotters are well on top now

7. Inverness Caledonian Thistle were wearing Lois straights in '73

8. Those scousers with their craft knives were a bit naughty

9. Even Amonia Nicosia turn out these days

10. I was banged up with their top lad

11. We headed straight for their boozer

12. We took their whole end in '71, and they've never gotten over it

13. Our lads are mates with Skonto Riga's firm

14. Once mobile phones came out, that was it

15. They claim that they stood, but they know that's a load of shite

16. We still dream of getting them in the FA cup, then we'll see whose who

17. We lamped them all over their town centre

18. I'm only interested in 'avin it with their top lad, no-one else

19. It all died down in '88, acid house 'n all that

20. I only ended up bein' his best man, didn't I? Fuck me!

21. He was well at it before he got into the other stuff

22. Whose arsed about fashion? It's just what we wear

23. We organised it all when some of our lads bumped into some of theirs in Ibiza

24. Bunch of fuckin' muppets, the lot of them

25. You've only got to see some of that Truro City v Taunton Town footage on the web, to know that the South-West is still 'avin it large

26. Three of us ran 70 of the shithouses

27. Yeah, I cut a chunk out of his face, but it was him or me

28. You know, I've got a wife and three kids now, and I can't be . . . .

29. You don't wanna mess with the Maltese plod if you can help it

30. And, on, and on, and on, and on . . . .