An innocent's guide to Computerspeak
MANY newcomers to micro-computing are somewhat puzzled by the
fact that seemingly straightforward words and phrases take on
a completely different meaning when used in a computing context.
Here is a list, by no means comprehensive, that should allow the
computer neophyte to make some sense of the new Computer-speak.
"The applications of this are only limited by your own imagination"
I can't think of anything useful it can do.
"Compatible with any computer"
Will not work with your computer unless you know more about interfacing
than we do.
"Standard"
We don't know enough about other computers to know why it won't
work with yours.
"Universal standard"
We have actually tried it out on one other computer.
"Industry standard"
We have copied the design from someone else who says it works.
"Delivery will be in three weeks"
This is known as Holbein's constant as, whenever you ask the question,
delivery will always be in three weeks.
"Delivery will be at the end of the month"
Another example of Holbein's constant, for the innumerate.
"In stock"
We have ordered it from the manufacturer
"Now in stock"
When the closing date for advertisements was reached four weeks
ago, we were promised delivery in three weeks. (See above)
"Obsolete"
A word to describe something actually in stock.
"Will be available shortly"
We haven't actually designed it yet but can foresee no difficulty.
"Will be available early next year"
We found the difficulty.
"Operating System"
Something that we sell you every six months or whenever you find
out the last one doesn't actually work properly.
"This program can easily be modified to work on any other
popular computer"
Sometimes seen at the end of software articles and is a disclaimer
for any intelligence the author might have falsely indicated to
the reader.
"Programs may be saved on any domestic tape recorder"
This is any recorder except the one you actually own at the moment.
"Using your TV as a display"
Sometimes you may be able to actually read what is on the display
as well.
"Can be easily expanded"
You have a bargain with what you have now but we will rip you
off if you want to make it actually useful.
"User friendly"
You are asked for every little option and parameter to see if
it needs to be included. This usually takes about ten minutes.
In addition you have to go through the whole lot again if you
want to change just one thing.
