Book of the Golden Apple

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        ::         The Book of the Golden Apple          ::
        :: Another Introduction to the Erisian Mysteries ::
        ::         Written By: The Dark Jester           ::
        ::         Seventh Edition - March 1996          ::
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Introduction (... and now a word from our sponsors ...)

First, let me congratulate you on your wisdom and good taste in selecting this text file for your reading pleasure. Unless you're completely humourless and unimaginative you shouldn't regret your choice.

This text file is about the Greek goddess Eris. She was also known to the Romans as Discordia. Eris Discordia is the Goddess of Discord, Mischief and Chaos. Followers of Eris are commonly known as Discordians or sometimes Erisians. In this text file we will use a neo-pagan perspective for the most part when discussing this vibrant and chaotic goddess.

One last thing: If you have not already you should read the Principia Discordia. You can find copies of it on the Internet's World Wide Web if you look. It's amusing and insightful. This text file really is NOT about Discordianism in terms of the Principia though. I just enjoyed it and like to quote from it a bit here and there.

Who is/was Eris?

As I mentioned before Eris was both a Greek and later a Roman goddess by the name of Discordia. The Greeks portrayed Eris as a mischief maker and prankster while the Romans viewed their version of Eris as being destructive and the bringer of misfortune. Historically, we know very little about Eris. Most people know of her only through the tale involving her golden apple. Would you like to read that tale?

* From the Principia Discordia, "The Myth of the Apple of Discord"

"It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of her reputation as a trouble maker. This made Eris angry, and so she fashioned an apple of pure gold and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To the Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete she rolled it into the banquet hall".

"Now, three of the invited goddesses, Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and throwing punches all over the place and everything".

"Finally, Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected".

The arbitrator chosen was one shepherd boy of the city of Troy named Paris. The goddesses all tried to bribe him. Finally, Aphrodite managed to do so with a promise that he would have the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife. That was Helen. Trojan wars, trojan horse, trojan condoms... you know the rest.

Erisian Metaphysics (.. uh, right)

There are three primary ways we can relate to the goddess Eris:

Eris is the personification of an impersonal force, namely the force of chaos in the universe. (Chaos is one of three primary forces in the universe, along with Order and Entropy)
Eris is a personal force - a spiritual reality that deals with the powers of chaos in the universe. This Greek goddess is our means of symbolizing this vast entity.
Eris is an aspect of the one Goddess often referred to as the Earth Mother or Gaia. As chaos is a part of nature so it is a part of Gaia.

You can also relate to Eris as a real pain (which she often is) or as a really hot babe. Whichever you prefer. I don't think she minds, except when she does.

Eris and Morality

I pondered what response a goddess personifying chaos and mischief would make when asked about her beliefs concerning moral behaviour. As I was doing so, the answer came to me in an instant. This could have been Eris. It could also have been my creativity at work (which is the same thing, really). It could also have been the nice chilli dog I ate earlier in the evening. Anyway, here is the sum total of Eris's beliefs concerning morality!

"The Goddess forbids nothing but no one likes a jackass!"

Profound, huh?

The Illusion of an Ordered Universe

The universe is not orderly. Order is simply one of three forces that work to keep the universe in balance. We project order into everything we perceive because we are afraid. We've been taught to fear change, and to embrace order because it's safe and predictable. Life is not safe, nor is it predictable. Face this fact and embrace the reality of it and you will be free from any number of shackles imposed upon your mind, and spirit.

Question. ALWAYS question. Beliefs, rules, roles, everything. If you don't, you might as well join the rest of the sheep in the pasture.

Nonsense as Salvation

The entire notion of a Russian roulette spiritual system where picking the wrong religion earns you eternal torment is probably one of the most idiotic things I've ever encountered. Lady Eris would never do anything like that to anyone. She might make your life SEEM like a living hell for a little while... but, you know.

* From the Principia Discordia

"The human race will begin solving its problems on the day that it ceeses [sic] talking itself so seriously. To that end, [we] propose the counter game of NONSENSE AS SALVATION. Salvation from an ugly and barbarous existance that is the result of taking order so seriously and so seriously fearing contrary orders and disorder, that GAMES are taken as more important that LIFE; rather than taking LIFE AS THE ART OF PLAYING GAMES. To this end, we propose that man develop his innate love for disorder, and learn to play with the Goddess Eris".

Thus ends the Book of the Golden Apple. Blessed be Lady Eris, Goddess of Discord, Mischief, and Chaos.

Hail Eris!
Copyright The Dark Jester 31 Mar 1996, Edited by Syrbal by request 2/2/2002

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