Marriage and the Family

God performed the first wedding. A truly Christian family is a blessed one. A home regulated by God's Word is a happy one. In this article we will look at the teaching of Genesis 2 on this subject. It ought to be obvious that the distinction between male and female is important for a proper marriage, but not all agree. Some today argue that single-sex marriages ought to be acceptable and "gay" couples in a stable and loving relationship should be allowed to adopt children. But when God made man He made them male and female. The family is under attack.

DISTINCTIVE SEXUAL IDENTITY

1. The distinction between male and female
This distinction is very important and was made by God in creation. Feminists claim the differences are purely biological and physiological. The only distinction they recognise is that women can bear children. Anything else they see as arising from conditioning by a male-dominated culture and as such should be removed. The Biblical response to such claims is found in the early chapters of Genesis. This is one reason why these chapters are so hated by Feminists. Genesis 2 shows that sexual distinctions existed in the mind of God before man or cultures existed. "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness....So God created man in his own image,...male and female created he them" (Gen. 1:26-27). As Christians we have the responsibility for discovering the Bible's teaching about sexual distinctions, conforming to them, and rejecting the world's standards where they conflict with God's Word.

2. The nature of these gender differences
God taught Adam and Eve what true masculinity and femininity are. Paul reasons from the creation account with regard to the respective roles of men and women in the church: "But I suffer not a woman to teach nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression" (1Tim.2: 12-14). The priority of man's creation is stressed (Gen.2:7). He alone was given the various commands from God, the directions for work, the responsibility for naming the beasts and the prohibition in connection with eating the forbidden fruit. It was the man who was responsible for instructing Eve as to her origin (Gen.2:23). From this, Paul argues for the headship that the man has over the woman: "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man" (lCor.11:8-9). He also notes that although the first woman came from a man, since then every man has come from a woman. "For as the woman is of the man even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God" (lCor.11:12).
The nature of the differences between man and woman was revealed in the lesson God gave Adam on loneliness (2: 18-20). The finding, "It is not good that the man should be alone", was not a sudden discovery by God. It was the expression of One who knew the joy of fellowship as yet unknown to Adam. By bringing the animals to Adam to be named He made him feel his incompleteness and need. "But for Adam there was not found an help meet for him" (2:20). Among all the animals (male and female) Adam did not discover any that corresponded to him. None were suitable to meet his social needs even though as creatures they had much in common with him. We are told Eve was created directly from Adam and specifically for Adam (2:18,21). She was brought by God to Adam, not primarily for propagation but for companionship (2:22). None of these things is said concerning the man God made. They all point toward a God-ordained distinction between male and female that has nothing to do with their biological structure.

3. The implications of these differences for marriage relations
Biblical sexual distinctions have clear implications for the marriage relation. Man was made for working in the world but woman was made for man. They were not to be competitors but were to complement one another. They need one another to make each other complete. Their specific creation story indicates where they are to find their true identity and place in creation. Man is from the ground, working for God. Woman is from the man, being a help and companion to him. True Biblical masculinity in a husband involves:
(1) A loving acceptance of the God-ordained headship role;
(2) A recognition of a husband's fundamental incompleteness without his wife;
(3) A recognition of his wife's worth and dignity for her own sake; and
(4) An acceptance of his responsibility to provide and care for his wife whom God has called to be dependent upon him.
This is very different from how some view masculinity, equating it with being "macho" and treating women like objects to be used and discarded. Our Saviour demonstrates what true biblical masculinity is. He is the pattern for all Christian men in their relationships with the opposite sex.
True Biblical femininity in a wife involves:
(1) A loving acceptance of the role of being made for her husband;
(2) A willing submission to and dependence upon her husband as her head; and
(3) A recognition that her true identity and significance is not to be found in independence from her husband but in her relationship to him.

THE BEGINNINGS OF MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

As Christians, we accept the Biblical teaching that the sexual act and procreation have been restricted by God to the marriage union and sexual relationships outside of marriage are displeasing to God. This being so, the family unit must be founded upon the marriage bond. Genesis 2 lays the Biblical foundation for marriage and the family.

1. The institution of marriage
Is marriage a man-made institution devised by society for the regulation of sexual activity and procreation? Many today claim that it is and that it is an institution which has outlived its usefulness and ought to be abolished. Others advocate "trial marriages". Such views assume marriage originated with man. Genesis 2, however, shows marriage is not a man-made institution. It traces marriage back to the mind of God. It was God who brought Eve to Adam and revealed that: "A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen.2:24). Some deny that this chapter refers to the institution of marriage at all and claim it merely records one woman being brought to one man and has no binding force upon mankind in general. Matthew 19:3-6 and Ephesians 5:31 clearly show this view to be wrong.
The primary purpose of marriage is to be companionship, not procreation or the control of sexual activity. "It is not good that the man should be alone" (2:1 8). Husbands and wives must not neglect companionship, as can easily happen when they become familiar with one another and take each other for granted. The primacy of companionship should be remembered by those thinking of marriage. Are they prepared to be companion to this person even when there is no more sexual attraction, or if their partner proves to be infertile and unable either to father or bear children? Marriage is good for the husband, wife and children as well as for society as a whole. Undermining marriage undermines the foundations of society.

2. The definition of the marriage union
There are three basic aspects to marriage.
(l) Leaving: God instituted a union so intimate as to exclude all others. None, not even father, mother or siblings, may come between husband and wife. Marriage does not destroy these other relationships, it transforms them. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother"(Gen.2:24). The husband/wife relationship takes absolute priority over all other human relationships. "Wherefore-they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mat. l 9:6). This passage emphasises that marriage is a monogamous relationship, (a one husband/one wife relationship). Despite instances of polygamy in the Old Testament, Jesus calls us back to marriage as originally instituted. Marriage is a heterosexual relationship, (a one man/one woman relationship). The Bible has no place for homosexual or lesbian marriages even if these are claimed to be, "caring, stable and loving relationships". Marriage is a union and single parenthood should not be chosen as a legitimate alternative to marriage.
(2) Cleaving: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife". "Cleave" means "stick" or "cling to". It involves not only closeness but a permanent and binding relationship effected by God Himself (Mat.19:6). Therefore divorce should only be regarded as a last resort and not God's ideal. Divorce is permissible, according to God's Word, for the innocent party, but marriage is meant to be for life. We are to cleave to each other at all times even if the sparkle has gone from our relationship, or if we have become sinfully infatuated with someone younger or more attractive.
(3) One-flesh relationship: This is not just a discreet way of referring to the sexual union. It involves much more. Husband and wife complement each other. Neither is complete in themselves. There is a mental, physical and spiritual bond between them. Paul in Ephesians 5:28-32 tells us that this union is modelled on the relation between Christ and His Church. We cannot have a God-pleasing marriage if we live as two separate individuals who merely share the same bed. We must apply in a practical way the truth that we are one flesh. This especially applies to husbands (Eph.5:28-31). No-one ought to try and break this God-ordained bond by coming between a husband and wife. How wrong adulterous relationships are (1 Cor.6: 18-20)!

3. The marriage union is modelled on a greater spiritual reality
Paul in Ephesians 5 tells us that the leaving, cleaving and one-flesh union in marriage is modelled on Christ's leaving His Father's side for the salvation of His Bride. He clung to her so closely that He willingly became responsible for her sin. The resulting union makes us one with Christ and becomes the basis for all the blessings we receive from God. We receive what He deserves even as He received what we deserved. This self-denying love is the pattern to which we are to aspire in marriage.

Any comments or questions please E-Mail me or Rev William Macleod the editor.

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