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When Viper Went
To London, May 9th - 12th, 2003
(Part 2) Conclusion
On the train back to Harrow-On-The-Hill Viper noticed a good looking girl giving him an angry glad eye. Getting off Viper headed towards the Grasshopper for the second time, laboring through the ache in his hip & the pain in his leg muscles. A different set of folks were working today. Gary was in but Mark was out.
“You don’t look like I expected. Your photo’s kind of blurred on the Forums.”
“You don’t match yours either.”
“What you doing down here ?”
“Came to meet you lot & see who I’m dealing with.”
Gary showed Viper some smoke wares, the expensive kind, talked a little bit about computer programme’s (most of which went over Vipers head) then made his excuses to return ‘upstairs’ to work. Mark would be in soon, he was on the way, Gary had said. So Viper hung about waiting on the man to turn up for over half an hour to talk business with him. In the intervening time Viper took a good look around all the shelves & took note of the prices. There was no way most of our outlets could get away with a lot of these prices. We’re talking, in some cases, about folks who think they’ve ate well that day if they had beans on toast. These folks are lifetime stoners, hardcore. If the choice is food or weed, weed wins every time. Like Viper, they would sooner fuck around at home & make something than pay over the odds for smoke wares, no matter how nice. The glass smoke ware in particular could only be afforded by somebody with a decent & regular wage packet. That ruled out most of Merseyside straight away. Plenty of food for thought though.
After his third stroll around the place, by this time nothing on the shelves had escaped visual examination, Viper began to get impatient. His legs & in particular one of his hips was giving him quite some trouble today & all that standing about waiting was aggravating it, causing a slow but steady increase in pain. It had been drizzeling as Viper arrived at the Grasshopper & as he’d made his way around the shop it had thrown it down like stair rods. Viper was grateful to be under cover but was bored now, waiting. Going to the entrance Viper breathed in a little fresh air & stared out though the raindrops. He still had a pretty good buzz going off his stealth tokes & so fell into visioning as he stood in the doorway.
Just then a straw haired guy with a dog who looked a bit like a young, more hippy like, Captain Sensible in bright coloured T-shirt, shorts & open toe sandals with a golden retriever on a decent proper dog chain lead came into the shop. Viper instinctively moved out of the doorway to allow the stranger entrance giving him scant attention. A couple of minutes later one of the, Viper did count, 14 assistants came up & asked if she could help. Viper replied he was still waiting for Mark to come in.
“He just did.”
“The guy with the dog ?”
“Yep.”
Viper went up to the back of the shop again & another assistant phoned upstairs. Viper waited, & waited, & waited some more. The assistants looked at each other in a nervous way. Eventually another one of them rang upstairs again.
“Er ……. He, er ….., he knows you’re here, but, …….. er, basically he’s not coming down again. Can you come in another time ? …………
Seeing the shift in Vipers face,
……………. I’m just relaying the messages between the two of you. I don’t know what’s going on.”
Viper saw no point in venting himself on the assistant. Like he said, he was just relaying the messages. But yours truly had to deal with the aftermath.
“What’s his fuckin’ game ? The man knew I was comin’ down all the way from up Liverpool to come an’ see ‘im this weekend, ‘cause I spoke to him a few days ago on the phone & told him so. ‘Look forward to meeting you’ he says. Fuckin’ looks like it. Here I am improving the popularity of his site though my sweat, UNPAID !. Hostin’ a fuckin’ competition for him, an’ all that bollocks, and for fuckin’ what ? Didn’t have the fuckin’ decency to come an say ‘Hello’
Does he think he’s dealing with some kind of a fuckin’ idiot here ?
Fuck this ! I don’t need this shit. I can do without spending four unpaid hours a day on Edit too. I’ve better things to do with my time. Fuck that shit.
Fuckin’ stayin’ an extra day, putting people out, an for fuckin’ what ? Couldn’t even come say hello. Un-fuckin’-real !
That’s a days un-needed expense & time because of ‘im, an I’m including the fuckin’ £5-00 odd days rail card into that, & don’t think I’ll forget it either.
My fuckin’ hip’s killin’ me.
He’s charging £6-00 a copy for High Times in there. We’ll do ours £4.90 P&P included.”, Viper exploded.
“Viper, what about the Players ?”
“What ?”
“The Players man. The Balloon Game Players. What about them ?”
“Ah shit. Alright, for the Players, I’ll finish the Game. Then that’s it, fuck it. I got better things to do than be un-appreciated. I got a business to run here. If the Forums folk want a consultation they’ll have to come to my site an e-mail me from now on.”
“O.K., where to now Viper Man ?”
“Fuck, I don’t know. I’m not doin’ all kinds of fuckin’ walkin’ about like the last couple of days. Me legs won’t stand it. They’re aching like fuck n’ this hip is starting to get really sore man. Wish I knew where Jez lives. What time is it ? Why don’t we go over to Alchemy say hello ? If Lee’s there I can tell him how I got on. Fuckin’ blister on my little toe’s throbbing some too. We could have been home by now. Havin’ a bit of a kip in bed after the journey. Fuckin’ mail is goin’ to be piled up to fuck now. More fuckin’ inconvenience. Fuckin’ thanks a bundle Mark.”
“You know what you need ?”
“What ?”
“One of them Soho hookers to give you a bit of the old massage.”
That got a laugh out of him. That was good ‘cause Viper has a tendency to brood over things which upset him. Sometimes for decades. He just isn’t the forgive & forget type. Getting him out of one of these moods could be damned tricky, not to mention hazardous to health, but if this mood settled in for the day it wasn’t going to be much fun in the car on the way back. Especially if we took some wrong turns, but Viper actually started smiling proper then. A mischievous look had crept back into his eye.
“Come on then. Lets go look.”
A little while later we were again in the Portobello Road. It was much quieter today. The rain was keeping people off the streets. Viper took several hits from the stealth pipe along the way. His walking pace had slowed quite considerable. I noticed that every time we stopped it seemed like Viper ceased up. He’d start off down the road like someone without knees really stiffly. After a few minutes he seemed to wear it off but his pace was much slower. Along the way we came across a new shop called Braintree Hemp. Run by Aussie’s the shop carries some rather nice ranges of hemp clothing. Viper went in & began talking up a storm with the guy behind the counter.
“Looks like they may be coming up our way soon.”, he said coming out.
Lee was not at the shop that day so we didn’t hang around too long. Viper’s hip was paining him quite bad now & he said he wanted to keep moving in case it really did cease up. We did pass through Soho again & assembled in excess of fifty ‘whore cards’ between us in a matter of about half an hour. It was interesting to compare the services offered to that of those of the Amsterdam Window Princesses.
Some of the girls had up to three separate card designs offering different services. Among the selection were;- ‘Dominant Black Mistress – Very superior bitchy 22 yr old: spanking, cross dressing, body worship, humiliation, water/hard sports’, Brazilian, Polish, African Cicciolina 46DD, Italian, Latin anal specialists, offers of lesbian shows, ‘Sexy Spanish Goddess – bubble baths & anal services’, Swedish, Japanese, Anglo-Asian & at least 3 transsexuals. Mistress Kitten took Viper’s eye, but he was in enough pain already. Angel took both our fancies but it was ‘Hot Black Cathy’ that really made Viper sit up straight.
“Look at her man. Young, firm & succulent. Cost a fuckin’ fortune would that, if it’s her you get. I don’t know about all this ring this number, go up these back stairs shit. Once your inside a place like that, here, its your word against their’s, an fuckin’ anything could ‘appen.”
“You might even get laid.”, I ventured.
“Yeah, or you might be conned into being landed with a big fuck off bill for shit you didn’t get. ‘American Express Sir ?’ At least in Amsterdam you deal direct with the girls themselves. Payment up front. No middle parties. I can’t afford this shit, I’m too tired & in too much pain to enjoy it anyway. I’ll get a massage at the Health Centre when we get back. It’ll do me more good.”
I had to agree, Viper was looking pretty shot. The wise thing would be to get him back to base & make sure he got some sleep before the drive back, and this I did. With only one wrong turn getting onto the right side of the M40 our trip back went well. On the whole Viper was pleased with what had transpired, particularly over how things had gone over at Alchemy. But Mark not speaking to him left him feeling like he was being ignored for all his Edit efforts and he was offended. J. Skankly 16/5/2003 ___________________________________________________________
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