Cup Week 3
Squad: Andrews, Ford, Lawson, Dynamo Chezzy player, Bagshaw & Double (eventually)
Poor planning by Bagshaw and Double resulted in only three players starting the game for the Chilli Boys. Rather predictably it was all one way traffic for the first half, with Lawson called into action a few times but at half time Unichem were only 1-0 up, this was partly due to the ref playing a shortened first half.
Half Time
The second half was more of the same but this time the floodgates opened or more to the point Lawson's legs as Unichem got 4 or 5 quick goals. At this point one of the Chezzy lads felt sorry for us and offered his services, there was also a change in goal as Ford took over. The side was a bit more solid and we might have only conceded the odd goal and had a couple of chances before Double and Bagshaw finally turned up.
Now we had some shape we could pass the ball around and we create a few chances and had the better of the play but it wasn't a lot of good for the last five minutes of the game in which we were 7-0 down. That is how the game ended, one to forget for the fans but at least it was in the cup that we couldn't have qualified for as the other game went against us too.
An official request is pending for a fixtures board at the exit from the building so that there can be no excuses.
Squad: Allen, Andrews, Bailey, Double, Lawson, Watt, Williams
Crazy Jalfrezi's hope of second place slipped from their grasp in an entertaining game, even the first game of the season for Williams couldn't secure the win. Although the Chilli Boys played the game in a very positive and free flowing way letting the ball do the work. Not everything came off but there were sound good passing moves to admire.
Jalfrezi took the lead when Allen received the ball and managed to make himself enough space to get a shot away, which flew into the net. 1-0
A second came from Lawson as Allen turned provider, Lawson in acres of space controlled it with the left and sliced it with the right but they all count. 2-0
At the other end the defence was coping well with anything that Toyota could produce and they went into the break in a strong position.
Half Time
The Chilli Boys at the start of the second wasted a couple of chances half; Double clean through with only the keeper to beat was thwarted. Williams looking to register his first goal of the season just failed to make it on the end of a forward pass before it went into the area.
Toyota with probably only their second shot on goal managed to pull one back but it was more down to the wet conditions as Watt failed to hold onto a long range effort. 2-1
The Chillies failed to get the killer third goal and were punished by another long range effort that looked like it caught Watt by surprise as he showed too much of the far post. 2-2
Jalfrezi rallied and produced some good stuff, which was eventually rewarded when a one-two between Double and Allen restored the lead. Double laid it off to Allen who gave it back after drawing the defender toward him, Double controlled it, let it bounce and then volleyed home. 3-2
Crazy Jalfrezi were just looking to see the game out for the three points when a carbon copy of the second goal happened from the same player. 3-3
Before the centre could even be taken the final whistle went and it was all over.
A good performance by the Chilli Boys that didn't get the result it deserved but it stopped the rot and there still the possibility of fourth spot which would by far be their best league performance. It's the distraction of the cup next week, there's still a mathematical possibility but quite unlikely.
Cup Week 2
A poor performance by the Chilli Boys virtually put them out of the Cup last night.
No tracking back, 0-1
Caught on the break, 0-2
Half Time
Lucky touch and handball, 0-3
Some good skill but no closing down, 0-4
Was this a conscious decision to opt out of the Cup, an incredibly bad performance or an unsettled team due to the infighting in the run up to the match.
It was the second crucial match in as many league games for the Jade. The unprecedented prospect of finishing 'best of the rest' was close to reality and the squad was back to full strength after last weeks Man United style cup team turnout. With no sign of the disciplinary action that was expected to bestow the guv'nor following his no show against Castle FC he started the game at the top of our, now formidable, diamond formation. It was the prolific partnership of Double and Andrews in midfield with the ever-consistent Mac3 calling pulling the defensive strings.
The match started well for the Jade as they created the better chances and restricted the opposition to potshots from distance. However, as usual their prowess in front of goal came into question with a number of missed opportunities early on. The team was showing signs of fatigue after last weeks damp affairs and possible over exertions the previous weekend. Substitutions were coming thick and fast and they were losing shape as Mac3 and The Goalie, as he shall now be known, struggled to keep control.
The baa-baas were coming more into the game and had a few strikes pass narrowly by the uprights. Whilst protecting his near post The Goalie pushed a vicious shot wide as he grew in confidence. The resulting corner brought about a goalmouth scramble, caught on the wrong foot by the confusion The Goalie stood no chance and the Jalfrezi went behind for the first time in five matches.
With Unichem eager to build on their lead it was crucial for the Jade to regain their composure and keep creating chances. Alas it was the same lackadaisical spirit that had been obvious prior to the goal that continued and when Allen failed to pick up his man the oppositions marksman was clean through on goal; The Goalie stood tall and saved comfortably to alleviate the situation and move towards making up for his lack of agility leading to the opening goal.
The Jalfrezi got back on level terms just before half-time with Andrews knocking one in of both posts. Lets hope that the strike gives his confidence a much needed boost and that a return to early season form, which was feared to be gone forever, is imminent.
Half-time: Unichem Barbarians 1 - 1 Crazy Jalfrezi
The second half continued in much the same fashion as the first but with the Jalfrezi now having the better percentage of the play. The new lease of life led to suspicions of illegal drug use(urine samples may be required by the governing body).
As they continued to create good chances the need for an world class striker became more apparent by the minute. Dozens of shots were spooned high or sliced wide and there was never any sign of the Barbarian's keeper being made to work. As the game came to an end the same questions were still being asked, fitness, and more seriously, composure in front of goal were not at the standard required to maintain a serious challenge.
The final whistle sounded, with a draw meaning a European football is still a realistic prospect for the Jalfrezi next season.
Post match interviews revolved around a possible outfield role for The Goalie next week and the question marks that still remain regarding the team's long-term injuries. The press are starting to suggest that William's career is over and player manager Hawkins may find it difficult to reselect himself into a team which has proven its worth.
Bring on Waco.
The Goalie.
Cup Week 1
Crazy Jalfrezi produce a great team performance with a very depleted squad to secure a point in their first cup game of the season. It might have been more if not for the woodwork as Andrews hit the post four times.
The drama started before the whistle even went with Bagshaw being drafted in for Allen who had picked up a mystery office injury, Ford was also brought in as the second sub but was unused as he failed to turn up. The match kicked off a fraction early but with no sign of Bailey so Bagshaw again was called upon to fill in up front.
Our lone supporter Kerri Alderman must have been wondering what was going on as she read her match programme to see that the team didn't reflect what was written down.
The Chilli Boys unfazed by this and the fact they were against a team who had narrowly lost 1-0 to the two teams above the Jalfrezi. With the lack of any subs there was no option but to knock the ball around and they did this to good effect creating a couple of half chances, maybe Portugal should have tuned in to see how it's done. Equally at the other end the defence was coping well against their front line and on the occasion they did get a sight of goal Watt between the sticks was up to the task. In midfield the challenges were hard but fair not giving the opposition a chance to settle.
Some great running up front by Bagshaw who on occasion let himself down with his touch but for the most part ran their defence raged. This allowed Double and Andrews in the midfield to play off each other and create chances, the first clear cut of which came to Double but he failed to get it on target. Some half chances came and went for both sides, Lawson did get caught on a couple of occasions with Castle forwards breaking through but he stayed close enough to worry the player and Watt completed the job with the save.
Half Time
In the second half many of the fans and a few of the players were worried about the fitness but it didn't seem to play a part. In fact Jalfrezi looked much the stronger side limiting the opposition to a few long-range efforts that posed little threat.
Meanwhile the midfield carved open Castle allowing Andrews to break down the right but his shot hit the outside of the right post, Double also had a shot saved and so too Bagshaw. Lawson was even feeling confident letting fly after intercepting a pass at the half way line but it was cut out by the last defender.
Andrews again hit the post this time the outside of the left as he broke away on the counter down the left. The hat trick is complete as this time he is set free through the centre and unleashes a venomous shot which hits the inside of the left post in the top corner but there is no bar on the goal which may have favoured the shot, instead the drooping net kept the ball out which then hit the bottom of the right post and trickled out.
Both teams then see out the last couple of minutes just looking to get out of the torrential downpour that went on for the entire second half. The Chilli Boys possibly deserved more but a lot of positives came out of the game and surely the five players have secured the starting line up for next weeks crucial top of the table clash. There's also got to be questions over a possible fine or suspension for Bailey, who must come up with a good excuse beyond I didn't want to get wet.
Bring on the Barbarians.
This was a hard fought top of the table clash in every sense, from the outset the Chilli Boys were happy to defend in numbers and hit them on the break. Jalfrezi harassed and pressurised the ball at every opportunity, so as not to give them time to play or create chances. McKernon sat at the back martialing the players in front of him and in the first half it worked a treat minimising the opposition to a few long-range shots and an odd half chance.
While at the other end the Chilli's managed to catch them a few times but didn't make the chances count, Allen, Bailey and Andrews all got into position but lacked the finishing touch.
Half Time
The second half was a bit more open as both teams tired a little and the Chilli Boys did get caught napping a couple of times but that was mainly due to Longmead's substitution policy of taking a player off at their end and bringing one on just in front of goal but thankfully Watt was on hand to keep the ball out.
Jalfrezi never gave anything up and could have had a lot more chances to go in front if it wasn't for a poor final ball. In addition to that when they did get chances and on one occasion in particular when Double was clean through the keeper performed heroics pulling off a triple save. Andrews was also denied by the keeper who just got enough on the ball to put it past the post but not too much that the ref saw it.
The Chilli Boys defensive policy was not to let them have a sight of goal and on one occasion Lawson took this a little too far as he swept the forwards legs from behind. This seemed to rile the opposition and one player in particular whom we will call "Squeaky" and from then on squeaky didn't stop complaining about everything even beyond the final whistle.
The main reason for his complaint was probably the fact that Crazy Jalfrezi came away with the win when finally a good final ball was produced shortly before the final whistle to release Allen into space who waited for the keeper to commit before firing the ball home. 1-0
After this the Chilli's just soaked up the little bit of pressure exerted on them to guarantee the three points.
The Chilli boys were looking to bounce back from their second defeat of the season and they did just that with a reasonable display against mid table opposition, helped in no small way by a great debut performance by the new Cat (David Watt). Who managed to frustrate the opposition with a number of good saves.
As for the rest of the team the performance wasn't great but effective, we managed to fashion some chances but as is usually the way there was no end product. Well not until McKernon got a sight of goal in the second half and powered the ball home for what turned out to be the only goal of the game.
A solid performance by the Chilli Boys that got them back to winning ways, which was important going into next weeks top of the table clash.
The Chilli Boys went into this fixture with a degree of confidence after their stunning walkover victory the previous week. In fact confidence was so high the Jalfrezi opted to rest most of their squad and only turned up with 5 players rather than the maximum 8 to dispatch the newcomers to the league.
Before the game some pundits had questioned the wisdom of turning up with no substitutes given the Jalfrezi's almost legendary lack of fitness and considering that two of the players had quite obviously taken advantage of the late kick off time to indulge in a few alcoholic beverages. However it was a strong looking outfield of McKernon, Hawkins, Double and Andrews. Bailey was forced to play in goals due to a mysterious foot injury that is in some way believed to be related to David Beckhams broken foot and as such pivotal to England's world cup hopes.
The Jalfrezi started brightly and took the game to the opposition with some crisp one touch passing and fluid movement that the IHS boys had no answer to. Unfortunately for all the impressive build up play a cutting edge up front is still required as chance after chance came and went without registering a goal. This was partly due to the profligate finishing demonstrated by all the Jalfrezi strike force but also in no small part to an impressive performance from the IHS keeper.
Total Football
The breakthrough came midway through the first half and almost inconceivably resulted from a set piece. The hours of hard work on the training pitch finally paid off, when from a Mac3 corner, Hawkins made a late run from deep and his first time shot rocketed into the back of the net giving the keeper no chance.
This is how the scoreline remained at half time. The second half continued in the same vein with the Jalfrezi continuing to dominate proceedings and the killer 2nd goal eventually arrived via Andrews after some battling in the midfield by Hawkins released Andrews who danced past a couple of challenges and squeezed his shot past the despairing keeper. 2-0 to the Jalfrezi!
At this point the game was interrupted for 10 minutes by the appearance of a supermodel streaker, despite the best efforts of the referee, who incidentally was once again mince, the streaker refused to leave the pitch until she had got an autograph from each of her Jalfrezi heroes.
When the game eventually restarted Crazy Jalfrezi continued to press for a 3rd and Hawkins almost put in an early contender for goal of the season. He produced a drag back and turn previously only seen on the Michael Owen computer game to beat a couple of defenders but unfortunately his shot was too close to the keeper who once again did well to save. The game ended in a 2-0 victory for Crazy Jalfrezi and was an uncharacteristically solid and professional performance. There was no sign of the usual capitulation, which must surely concern rookie manager Hawkins. Infact the Jalfrezi goal was never placed in any danger, that is a credit to the whole team and the defence that was marshalled with ruthless German efficiency by the modern day Kaiser Mac3. For probably the first time in Jalfrezi history the opposition did not muster a single shot on target throughout the whole game. This is a relief to everyone as the Guv'nor in goal appeared to be more interested in drinking his beer than watching the game. His only contribution to the match was to be told by the referee not to drink beer on the pitch. However after a lengthy consultation with the rulebook it was found that nowhere does it state that alcohol is not allowed to be consumed on the pitch and the ruling was subsequently overturned.
Total Nonsense
Another welcome site for Crazy Jalfrezi's fervent support was the sight of the 'Tool' Nicholas St John Lawson on the sidelines after his recent lay off with injury. The Tool has earmarked next weeks game against Chezzy for his comeback. The no-nonsense Yorkshireman had this to say 'I thought the lads did well tonight, it was a very solid performance, however I thought that we were lacking the natural balance that the sweetest left foot on the island provides, the Tool could have illuminated this game.' He went on to say 'Finally the Tool has come back to Blenheim!! This is my yard!! Its true, It's true! Can you SMELL what the Tool is cooking!!!!' Club officials attempted to explain away this bizzare outburst from Lawson as a reaction to the medication he had been taking following his recent injury.
Among the star studded crowd at the game was Leeds and England centre half Reo Ferdinand, Reo offered his thoughts on the Jalfrezi's display. ' You look through their side and they had 5 quality players.' Reo continued 'IHS need one or two more quality players. This game is all about quality players.'
Following this victory Crazy Jalfrezi have moved up to the heady heights of joint 3rd in the league and is their best start to a campaign for some time. This upturn in fortunes prompted new manager John Hawkins to predict that he was about to lead the Jalfrezi to domestic and European glory. Is this the dawning of a new era for the Jalfrezi or are these merely the ramblings of a rabid madman? Only time will tell.
The Chilli Boys went down to their first defeat of the season in a game they never looked like winning against a side who must be getting bored of winning week in week out.
In the first half Jalfrezi tried to keep it tight but once they were a goal down it was an up hill struggle and in the second half the usual fitness problem came into play. By the end the Misfits had scored seven unanswered goals. The only positive aspect of the game was that they do this to pretty much every team they play.
Our top match with the Inter-Unfits generated much interest and was watched by a capacity crowd of about 18, many of whom travelled many yards to watch these two teams in action.
After a moment's silence (when we were all looking for the match ball) the match kicked off and from the beginning the Jalfrezi were outnumbering the Inter-Unfits in all areas of the pitch, especially Double and Hawkins who left no ball unchased and player unpressured. And through good passing by Andrews and Mckernon the ball was generally moving in the right direction creating opportunities close to the opposition's goal.
And it took less than 10 minutes for this pressure to pay off. The Jalfrezi won a free kick 12 yards away from the Unfits Goal, and as if this possibility was rehearsed hundreds of times on the training pitch, Andrews stepped up and walloped a cracker around the wall and beyond an uninterested looking keeper.
The Unfits went on the attack and this allowed the Jelfrezi a few more chances. Especially after good pressure from Bailey and good linkups with Mckernon and Andrews.
Second Half
Hawkins, the new Guv being new to management made a big tactical error. Instead of advising the Jalfrezi to waste time by rugby kicking the ball the few hundred yards to Ewell at every opportunity and by faking injuries, deaths etc. He decided to play ball. Fatal Error.
After a good start with the Bagshw and Allen making life difficult for the Unfits, tiredness was showing and Unfits had a few shots on the Jalfrezi goal but the defenders tracking back and Al-Kharouf in goal were in no mood to give up their lead, even surviving what should have been a penalty after a defence/keeper mix-up.
And just as it looks as if the Jalfrezi will maintain their 100% win record, a dubious corner is awarded to the Unfits. One neat cross later and Al-Kharouf was picking the ball from his own net. Pressure from both sides in the last five minuets was absorbed by some good defending on the Jalfrezi's side and dirty tackling from the Unfits. One all seemed would have been fair if it wasn't for the 10 goals that we scored in the last minute which were all disallowed for being too brilliant.
This means that we can go into our game with the Misfits unbeaten and in good spirits.
With last season's low behind them and a new manager, John Hawkins, taking charge for the first time, the Jalfrezi took to the field against new boys Dorking Exiles optimistic about their future. Fearing that the intense pressure of the player/manager role may prove too much, Hawkins sensationally selected himself to play in goal. This proved to be a diplomatic wonderstroke worthy of Solomon considering some of the outrageous contractual demands being made by Senior Players attempting to abuse the new manager's inexperience. Namely:
The match started brightly for the Jade and after a few minutes play it was clear that Dorking had only one real threat; their lively striker. Minimising his opportunities would be crucial to the Jade getting anything out of this game. The rest of the Exiles were distinctly average and the midfield engine room of Double and Andrews soon started to create openings.
Dorking showed their naivety early on when having received a pass back the keeper proceeded to roll the ball out to the same player. A free-kick was awarded and Andrews, clearly fancying his chances, stepped up immediately. The goal seemed adequately protected by a 3-man wall and keeper, but a thunderbolt from the right foot of Andrews penetrated the wall and left the keeper no chance. 1-0
The Dorking Dangerman soon levelled the match though; receiving the ball near to goal he was tightly marked yet with good footwork found himself a yard of space. He lashed it hard and low and it went past a despairing Hawkins' outstretched foot. 1-1
Yorkshire hardman Lawson had gone AWOL in the days leading up to this match and with malice aforethought had taken the Jalfrezi gloves with him. A combination of this and a lack of natural goalkeeping instinct saw Hawkins reluctant to use his hands all game. Lawson's absence did mean the game was played in a sporting manner though and there was never any danger of reckless slide tackles or cards of any description.
As often seen last season the Jade continued to look strong in the first half and not long after the equaliser Guv'nor was set free down the right hand side. He hit a low hard driven shot which gave the keeper no chance. 2-1
The Jalfrezi managed to keep this lead until almost half-time when the same man for Dorking did the same thing with his left foot. 2-2
Half Time
The Exiles started the second half strongly and managed to sustain pressure for a ten minute period in which they had plenty of opportunity to take the lead for the first time. Poor finishing, defending from Mac3 worthy of 'The Kaiser', a fantastic pinball save from Hawkins bouncing the ball of both posts and a character shown by the Jade absent for most of last season kept it level, but the Exiles continued to flood forward. Possibly underestimating the threat of Bagshaw the Dorking centre-back pushed up seeking a winner only to see Double knock an inch perfect pass putting Bagshaw clean through on goal. Apocalypse took his time and looked up for support before audaciously nutmegging the keeper to give the advantage back to the Jade. 3-2
The Four Horsemen celebration from Apoc seemed to stun the Exiles and with their defence in tatters Bailey broke down the left before altruistically squaring to Andrews who scuffed in an unmissable chance. 4-2
Almost immediately after that Double set free Mac3 down the left. His attempted return pass across goal bounced up off the cone marking the area and sat up nicely for Double to volley into the roof of the net. 5-2
With a taste for goals the Jalfrezi left Jonny Ford exposed at the back against two Exiles. Despite a valiant attempt to chase back and tackle, the ball was driven home to remind the Jade to not get complacent. 5-3
With seconds left on the clock Andrews received the ball wide on the right. Instead of carrying the ball into the corner he opted to go for his hat-trick. After a powerful run towards goal he struck a fantastic shot curling away from the keeper to cap a fine performance by the Jade. 6-3
This win left the Jalfrezi second in the table and numerous questions on the lips of the nation:
The next match will be tough against perennial contenders, Inter Unfits, but all involved in the club are excited this season. Bring it on.