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Bending the Ear of Officialdom


The Solicitor General and other grown-ups

I began a lengthy correspondence with various parts of the Criminal Justice System. Letters to the Government were efficiently forwarded by Nicol Stephen, my MSP, who otherwise performed no useful function. (Anne Begg, my London MP, could not even be relied upon to forward mail). The Solicitor General, Elish Angiolini, signed many of the replies. I achieved little, of course, apart from a head made sore by much battering against brick walls, and the incidental satisfaction of making the bastards work for me. I gained the impression that once a conviction has been achieved, the System finds it impossible to believe that it could be wrong, or that its hallowed procedures are faulty.

I made several fruitless enquiries to the Procurator Fiscal to find out how much, if any, investigation had been undertaken. I received no replies until I was advised by the Public Services Ombudsman to write to the Area Procurator Fiscal for Tayside. Only then did I get the courtesy of informative responses to my queries, including one revealing comment that resources are not available to make even routine enquiries in summary cases.

The Law Society of Scotland

The trade association for solicitors will receive complaints about its members and make a show of treating them seriously. I downloaded their badly designed form from the web and submitted a lengthy complaint about Crookwank's behaviour, particularly his lack of objectivity, his disobedience and his incompetence. Six months later came a detailed report that found nothing wrong with his performance and totally exonerating him. Most of the Reporter's reasoning cited the well-worn "on the balance of probabilities" argument. Unsurprisingly, the "probabilities" were never discussed and the "balance" always favoured Crookwank. Of greater interest in the Report were the statements given by Crookwank in response to my complaint. To put it bluntly, he lied about the more embarrassing things he had said to me. I must admit to being shocked that a man of his standing should resort to falsehood to protect himself.

The Law Society gives you the opportunity to appeal against the Reporter's conclusion, so I did. Three months later, the inevitable confirmation of the decision was delivered and that was the end of what was a passably entertaining interlude.